Remembering Kelsey

Bike Porn Industries solemnly mourns the passing of our of its greatest supporters and instigators.

Kelsey Rolf died in her sleep this past Sunday. 10/10/10

She was 23.

She may in fact be the first bike porn star to die. We have not been keeping perfect records, alas. The genre of "bike porn" has come to fruition via countless inspired fucking bike perverts. We can not imagine a single person who has embodied our principles more.


From the 1st moment she was seen riding the saddle of a fixed gear bike while in front of her a teen aged boy was cranking the pedals as she relentlessly flogged him, we knew she would be a force to be reckoned with. Since that moment she was able to push other's limits and challenge our brains and bodies, our wry and wit, not to mention our stamina and patience.


Besides being a hot, badass biker, she was also active protecting those without a voice. She loved animals; when in Portland she worked at doggy daycare, and just before her death was highly prized at Seattle's Exotic Veterinary. She was vegetarian or vegan most of her life but while she was proud of her choices she affirmed other's rights to make their own choices. We are reminded of Mother Mary Jones "afflicting the comfortable and comforting the afflicted."

So much more than a sexual object... she subjugated sex!





We will miss the humor, the glamor, the style, and the snark.

Services will be held this Sunday, October 17th at The Woods in the Sellwood neighborhood of Portland, Oregon.

We expect tears and cake.

Our condolences go out to her husband, Tom, of dirty surfing fame.


Donations in her name can be made to the Oregon Humane Society, or alternatively go to a place where you can buy cheap, used clothing, get something bizarre, trashy or otherwise out of context for your surroundings and send in a picture of your enjoyment for life.

She will be missed.

Read more »

how big is the demand for bike porn?

pretty fuicking big




The Columbia River Crossing is alao quite engorged. In fact it is in the running for biggest load of ever delivered to the Portland area.

If these trends continue, all the Vancouver/Portland metro area will be defined by 8-12 viens of steel-jizing bridge, injecting hot internal conbustion into Portland metro steets, air, and conciouness.
Thankfully, a local buisness owner recongnized the CRC's implications for the future of the entire regoin, and requested a full independent intevistagation of the CRC's bit and pieces:

The CRC forecasts assumed that traffic growth on the I-5 crossing would accelerate from 0.6 percent annually to 1.3 percent annually. But instead of growing at an accelerating rate, the volume of traffic crossing the bridges has declined every year after 2005, and the traffic growth rate has been decelerating systematically over the past 15 years.

The estimated total 30-year CRC Costs will total nearly $10 billion. They spend on avg $1,000,000 per month, and have already spent 100 million on the project togeher.

BLOW YOUR WAD MUCH CRC?


photo
illustration

Read more »

Bike Porn TONIGHT... WITH STRIP KNIFE FIGHTS!

What the fuck is a Strip Knife Fight you ask?

how pointed a question, where is the subtlety, the romance, the French word for some other word?

Knife Fights are a sort of 1 on 1 game of bike polo. Imagine a game of footdown, plus sword fighting = KNIFE FIGHTS

but in this case, the looser strips. Tonight only as a part of the worlds best idea for a polo turny, the Polo Domination eXhibition


Bike Porn 4: Play
Clinton Street Theater
2522 SE Clinton St
Portland, Oregon

all shows at 9pm

• Friday 6/18 w KNIFE FIGHTS
• Sun 6/20 w HAMMERCISE
• Mon 6/21 TBA
• Tue 6/22 TBA
• Wed 6/23 TBA

$6 ~ 18 and over




to respect the performers privacy, the films are never shown on the Internet nor released on DVD. The only way to view Bike Porn 4: Play is to attend the steamy screenings.

Part of Pedalpalooza

photo credit

Read more »

World Premiere of Bike Porn 4:PLAY

Bike Porn 4: Play

Clinton Street Theater

2522 SE Clinton St

Portland, Oregon




Premiering Friday, June 11th at 7pm & 9pm

Additional Shows: Fri 6/18 9pm, Sun 6/20 9pm

Mon 6/21 9pm, Tues 6/22 9pm, Wed 6/23 9pm

$6 ~ 18 and over


Bike Porn 4: Play is the newest collection of short erotic films focusing on positive sexual cycling energy and greener transportation options. It's goal is promoting healthy bodies, healthy minds, healthy attitudes and a healthy planet through provocative artistic expression. The diversity of the artists involved in each vignette creates a stimulating variety of films that all reflect progressive sexual and cycling attitudes in a very arousing way.



The Bike Porn phenomenon has it's origins in Portland but in a few short years has titillated an international fan base of thousands. The traveling film festival crew has recently made their triumphant return to Portland from the Bike Porn 3: Cycle Bound Tour. Their heavy show schedule took them over 10,000 miles to 64 cities in a 100 day span.

to respect the performers privacy, the films are never shown on the Internet nor released on DVD. The only way to view Bike Porn 4: Play is to attend the steamy screenings.

Part of the Portland Underground Film Festival and Pedalpalooza

Read more »

BikePorn Photoshoot now with more male?

making good on the promise, our friends in PDX have been taking a lot of pictures!

But even tho the ladie are willing to share there bodies it seems that guys are just not willing to step up. Why should women be so wiling to put themselves on the line and men can just sit around and be lame.

WHAT THE FUCK! (spelled out cause its that irritating)

We need all sexy bikers (men, women and whatever) of all sizes, (slim, girthy, or Clydesdale) and persuasions (into holes, into poles, into moles?) to step up and appreciate themselves!

But this is a special plea, if you are a sexy bike riding male male in PDX step the fuck up! Or get put the fuck down cause anyone so reserved as to not be willing to have a good time shouldn't be reading this anyway.

Contact ward and demand that you are able to share your vision of bikesexuality!

Read more »

BikePorn: 4PLAY Photoshoot

O, did we forget to tell you? Friends are organizing an erotic photo shoot to be on display with Bike Porn 4:PLAY

Time is very short, folks. Are you players or... spectators?

Get in the show now or trade in your bikes for armchairs.

******************************
NSFW bikesexual content!

***********************

Deets direct :



******************************

*************************************************

Here's the deal. Bike Porn will be here in less than no time at all
and all the sudden we got this big f-wad of an idea.

Dude Ward, aka CityLife Photography and Studio 303, is deeply enamored
of us and all of our pornographic body and bicycle parts. In that
spirit, he wants to make a bike porn slide show to run before, between
and after the films. To that end and in support of all porn efforts
contained herein and forthwith and to the exclusion of all other
contradictory erectile functions, we invite and propose the following.

If you have a body and a bike and want to flash your ass:

Step 1: Contact Dude Ward at wardcheese@comcast.net

Step 2: Advise Dude Ward that you would like to be in the Bike Porn Slide Show.

Step 3: Arrange a date and time to meet at Dude Ward's photography studio.

Step 4: With all your body parts, bikes, dildos, chocolate syrup,
barbed wire, and whatever else makes you feel whatever it is that you
love to feel the most, show up at the studio and make some fucking
art. If you have ideas you'd like to try, plan it out, rig up the
gear, and bring it on. We have a freight elevator in the building.

Things to know: The studio is completely safe and private. We will
build our photographs together and your boundaries will be absolutely
respected. Conversely, you are free to take your image wherever you
want to go. Dude Ward's only boundary is that nobody goes beyond
anyone's boundary. Lastly, anonymity is yours if you want it and yours
to toss away if you don't.

You can come solo, in pairs, or in groups. Groups would be cool,
because we can get a lot of shots in a compressed period of time, but
we got to be respectful to the other residents in the building.

*******************************************************************************

Excitement builds in REGINA! Will Saskatoon keep up the pace?

Read more »

reMembering Detroit

Detroit. The motor city that has been running on empty since the 70s provided one hell of a good time for us!

Besides being able to explore the vast wasteland and NOT get arrested for trespassing we also got to ride with the best critical mass crew we had seen in many a moon. Srsly, they took care to make pertinent announcements stating their intentions, giving some degree as to the history, and also pimping the fun times that were about following the ride!


Moreoever we had excellent fucking hosts who decided that we should be adorned with a huge fucking awesome warehouse party, complete with stripping fire dancers. A well stocked boozatorim with a heavy pouring bartender, and a smattering of slick art from local bike lovers.

BTW did you know that Detroit had bike lovers? I know! crazy!!

Here is a fantastic video made during critical mass. Thankfully the place filled up pretty nice by the time the show started...



And what a show! We were able to get local nut job/ writer/ self-deprecating gentleman Jimmy Doom to step to the mic for some inspired rantings including a bike porn inspired bit about his momma writing a note to his pastor decrying his bikesexuality. Hilarious and on topic? STUNNING!

The audience was in pretty good mood, from the glorious weather that baked out hot bodies to the discounted entry for those riding bikes or the even more discounted price to those not wearing pants! How better to encourage watching dirty films but to remove those annoying leg garments!

By the end of the movies and our live performances the audience was... well pretty excited. And why shouldn't they be. Having a team of sexy bikers singing and stripping and cavorting is about the best way to make a room full of mature adults primed for more explicit action. Of course we are only setting the stage for such activities. Anything done by sex hungry bike sluts following a screening of Cycle Bound is purely on the shoulders (and booties) of the consenting adults.

Still we are happy to encourage folks to express themselves so, you could also say that while we don't explicitly encourage any specific behavior we also don't forbid many things either.

We are truly blessed and if we can do it next year we are gonna go with our hosts idea to combine the screening with a weekend of building chariots for a massive rolling party of destruction. Sure Portland* has for several years hosted Chariot Wars, but only in a small space of limited post apocalyptic insanity. Consider the differences when you have your choice of warehouses that are completely vacant, and have been for over a decade. Hell not just a few buildings, we are talking about entire blocks.

Get your battle armor ready but leave the foam behind. This is Detroit. Find a piece of scrap metal.


*We promised to not compare Portland to other cities. But this is not a comparison, right? But just to swell your concerns about our fascination with our hometown we will try to not even make a reference to PDX for 72 hours.

In the meantime, please enjoy these fine pictures from our friend, Thomas L. Kula and our own Courtney Rodgers.

Read more »

Does the size of the bike culture matter?

Many North American cities are preparing for another World Naked Bike Ride. Both Portland and Madison are forgoing the "official" date of June 12th in favor of having the ride on the following Saturday June 19th.

There were five thousand naked bikers in Portland last year. This year organizers expect seven to ten thousand. We say, "Big fucking deal!"

Sure getting 1% of your population naked on a bike does seem pretty cool, but really what does a few thousand dicks on bikes really say about a population? Take into account the cost of getting naked bike lanes and all that paint (green boxes for the roads, glitter for the bodies) and you can see how the cost of supporting naked infrastructure could be in the tens of dollars.

Still other places get actual funding for actual humans (potentially) wearing actual clothes...

Behold, the not all that mysterious but still ever enticing Muffeapolis, Minnesota. Where miles of car free travel is as easy as urban gentrification.

So how does it measure up?

PDX and MinnMinn have been playing a bit of good natured one upsmanship for sometime. But regardless of how great either place is everyone who is considering a move has to overcome the, "It's great to visit, but I could never LIVE there... it rains/snows too much!" challenge.

In reality people who do live there are so fucking content you have no choice but be envious. Kinda like a lobster relaxing in a lawn chair in an autoclave... but rather than explore that half baked metaphor any longer accept that both of them are great places to ride a bike, write a zine, or otherwise feel smug.

But fear not! The cross-city war of the transportationally-aware utilitarian people does not extend to the humptastic land of bike fucking. Here race, class, and gender all are tossed out the window. However hygiene, active lifestyle, and the ability to do sweet bar spins ARE criteria used for establishing sexual dominance.


FUCK THIS POST! GO WATCH SOME FUCKING SWEET PORN!

• 5/8/2010 - Minneapolis
• west bank social center
• 501B Cedar Ave S (above Nomad)
• 8pm and midnight
• $5, adults only

Also we promise to not compare any cities to Portland for at least a week.


Photo Credit to CandyCranks

Read more »

SHOULDBikesSaveThePlanet

Yalls remember back when we were warning you to fucking prepare for the radness of Mini Bike Winter? Perhaps you even got a personal invitation to come and enjoy the fun? Well you got just 12 days to get your butts to Portland.

This year in conjunction with our "officially unreleased theme" for Bike Porn 4 we wanted to making something that was gonna stimulate your brains more than ever. So it is with great anticipation we proudly announce:


Yes, this shit is real.

And it is happening in Portland.

And you are invited.

You dont need any money, you dont need to be 21 or older (being over 18 would make us more comfortable tho), you dont even need to ride a bike but if you do your chances of not going home alone increase by orders of magnitude. Similarly if you bring us a beer, make some intelligent commentary about the state of transportation infrastructure and make some cool stenciled swag with clothes your brought yourself we will prob swoon.

This is our "cheapest" screening of Bike Porn ever! We will be accepting generous donations which will go to support Mini Bike Winter. The idea is that fun is something people spend way too much money on, and if they only spent less money having fun they could work less and we would have more time to enjoy ourselves. This is what we refer to as the free fun spiral, which when not kept in check quickly leads to unemployment, eviction, and eventually just spending all your time masturbating on your bike under a bridge. (There are no confirmed cases of this yet, we are just assuming since this is what we probably would be doing if not getting paid the big bucks to do it in front of an audience.) But in this case we expect you to just give us a few bucks if you got em and have a great time.

Mini Bike Winter Kickoff Gala
Thursday, February 11th
Lotus Seed
NE 9th and Going

8:30pm

• Panel Discussion: "SHOULD Bikes Save the Planet",

10pm

• Bike Porn 3: Cycle Bound - possibly the last Portland screening
  
• World Premiere, "MBW09 in 10 Min" by Jon Huey
• US Premiere, "Velo Love" a documentary of the Velo Vixens by Lauren Warbeck

All night

• DIY stencil station. BYO threads and invent your own brands.

On Friday crazy fun shit happens, on Saturday crazy fun shit happens, on Sunday crazy fun shit happens, and then on Monday... fuck Mini Bike Winter, the Backlash Tour will have begun! We are packing up all the fun and hitting the road, se ya suckers! Enjoy 3 more months of gloom!

Until then, the best reason to ride a bike in the winter in Portland is upon us!

Rejoice!


WE SAID REJOICE!

Read more »

Plotting a Course to Porn Part 1

Looking into the future of bike porn can be an exciting and even terrifying experience. Will there be blood? ritual sacrifice? pierced taints?!?

What we can know is where we are planning on going. Starting in 2010 we have the most daring Bike Porn Tour yet. Over 10 thousand miles long across 35 states, 6 providences and a few countries.

We would love your help but how does the blog reader help anything? Isn't it our job to be narcissistic bloggers and your job to post inane comments?

WHERE'S THE ROOM FOR IMPROVEMENT EVEN?

Well maybe, we are trying to encourage you to do it better and if that means straddling a bike from the future of 20 years ago topless in heels with some Gordi La Forge sunglasses on, so be it. But just being able to see ok night is not good enough, we travel so fast on bikes wearing heels we want to keep other safe from us!

Behold the latest in safe bike sex:



if you are interested in witnessing this display in person you can see our curent hot program one last time before we leave on our epic quest.

3 Cascadian Shows!



Friday, February 5th
One Two One Studios
121 Heatly St
8:00 pm Doors, $7-10 Sliding Scale, 19+
Presented by www.RevelrySociety.org
With LIVE PERFORMANCE and indoor bike parking
click here for sweet flier action


Saturday, February 6th, Victoria BC
Camas Collective Books & Infoshop
2590 Quadra St. (corner of King St.)
Screenings at 7pm and 9pm, $7, +19

Velo Vixens xxxRacexxx

Get ready to love your bike like never before.
6pm Camas Bookstore. $7
(includes admission to the bike porn screening!)

click here for sweet Victoria flier action


Thursday, February 11th, Portland, OR
Lotus Seed
4635 Northeast 9th Avenue
Screening at 10pm
Mini Bike Winter Kickoff Party
DIY Stencil Station
Panel Discussion: "SHOULD Bikes Save the Planet" at 8:30

Read more »

Internal Expression

Last week we asked the world, "who wants to be a bike pornillinare?" We got a supprising low ammount of spam, but even more impressive is that we got some amazing interns! (six and counting). Some were stunned, flemmexed even by our alluding to our interns potentially being paid in the occasional hot meal. Luckily we knew that a real committed intern would be hungry.

We have shared many a steamy prose post in the past... well, actually just once. But we are gonna have more soon!

And so, this week we proudly announce the 1st release of the collective juices that we hope will continue to flow from our vast well of bikesexual fluids.


BIKE LOVE IS...

When you wake up next to the sweetest ass homie lover friend and know that getting on your bike is the first thought in your mind, pushing through traffic while others are honking in pissed off vessels you glide in between them with you and your steed. You are free, feeling good, and hauling ass and have trust in yourself and your bike. Cause you can feel the speed between your legs and rain going everywhere, it's wet and you don't give a shit cause it's Portland and it hella rains and people go into boxes for showers at night to pour water on themselves and your accepting the fact that your gonna get wet, so enjoy it. You know its good cause you having a kick ass time and your ride looks good on you, you look good riding. cause you pass other bikers and say hell ya what's up buddies, cause you inspire people on the max, in cars, walking, to get on a bike.

Its bike love because you are apart of a cultural revolution, cause we are self powered, and changing lives for the better. Cause it's your alone time to process and think/spiritual and also a fun social time when you all go out for a ride with your friends. You know it's love when some aspect of the bike world is steady on your mind spinning circles of lubed stems and Allen key dreams. It is love when you film your partner and you fucking and playing with shadows.

You are free to take your ass home anytime, you can rely on yourself. Cause it is a scary world out there and your fucking Bonnie and or Clyde of the bicycle world and we ride on fucked up roads, around cell phone car talkers, drunkies, and we do it anyway. Some outta circumstance, some for the thrill, others for the ride/pride. Love cause it forces people to get in shape, slow down, learn how to totally fix your own transportation, give a shit about the environment,not to buy into the giant auto corporate world, and learn about a long existing culture.

Bike love is defending bikes on roads and taking care of every cyclist, old, young, fixie, commuter...you love and respect them. It is Bike Love cause you recognize and appreciate how cush it is to ride in Portland than most cities. You know it's love at the end of the day you ride your tired ass home and enjoy the sweet silence of the 3 am roads, when you are the fucking Lonestar of Portland travel, you get to see so much more beauty passing by on a bike.

Cause you know your ride is taking you home. You arrive grit teethed, bike tire greased, a little wet. You hang it up or lay it on a wall, give it a look and say 'damn', we made it through another day. You take your clothes off, helmet on, and go back to bed with the sweet ass you let earlier....This is Bike Love.

The words of Megan Denton, photographs coming soon. Stay tuned!*


*BONUS QUESTION: Ok, internerds, while attempting to make a cleaver linked reference to a bicycle repair website we were stopped dead in our tracks. Do we reference the new school which while mild mannered does impart some sage advice while giving a loving bicycle embrace at the end of the video... OR do we link to the old school. Which should we have linked to when we said, "Stay tuned!"? Is it gonna be new media or web "uh... point oh"? Who ya got!?!

Answer this and dont forget to let us know what you think of our 1st Internal Expression

Read more »

Flaming Naked Bike Lips - Take Two!

Bikes are meeting at Waypost Cafe at 10am tomorrow (Thursday September 24th) for a ride to Sauvie Island to enjoy the creative expression of the Flaming Lips! (and possibly another naked ride!)

This is a medium paced ride

Low traffic route map coming soon Now Available!



View Larger Map



UPDATE - a cadre of naked folk enjoyed swimming in the radioactive poo water of the Columbia downstream of the Willamette River, reading recent news about the Columbia River Crossing, and naked knitting. How we failed to capture images of hot naked bikers knitting is troubling but rest assured we will fail you again.

Read more »

flaming naked internerding bike lips

Naked Bike Ride on Mt Tabor with Flaming Lips... and live footage right now via

http://crankmychain.com/

zowie

Read more »

Lycra Discount!

Join us this Sunday afternoon at HallaDay Park for a BYO BBQ as we welcome the riders of the Seattle To Portland.

In honor of cyclists willing to ride hundreds of miles in a weekend (or even just a day) we are hosting a "Lycra-Fast-Fashion Show" before the movies. Come to the screening dressed in the sexiest skin tight clothing and get nearly 20% off the regular ticket price.

• Sunday July 12th
• Clinton St Theater
• 26th and SE Clinton
• @ 10:45 pm

The whole evening promises to be rather tight.

Read more »

We SToP for Bike Porn!

We heartily welcome riders of the Seattle To Portland (STP) to our quaint cultural capital. While here you might enjoy a variety of delectable taste sensations.

Now serving: road rash. taint spasm and a sprinkling of shaved leg hair in a lycra taco.

heartily enjoy this fine con-cock-shin this coming Sunday night as your pedal your way to triumph!

• Sunday, July 12th
• Clinton St Theater
• 26th and Clinton
• 10:45 pm
• $6 includes live performance

(Does this map look veiny to anyone else?)




Only one thing to do with a room full of roadies.... Are you ready for a Skin Tight Fashion Show?
















Not too bad, but the undies she is wearing are only 5% lycra. Not good enough!









Now this guy, he knows how to layer and strut!

Read more »

jewish bike porn?

Could the crack team of uber-smarmy posters on the Portland Mercury's blog actually be loosing a battle about the nature of hardcore pornography and the World Naked Bike Ride with a Judeophob?

Click here for the latest in commentary about how riding a bike naked is linked to white pride (not that there are a lot of proud, naked white people riding bikes in Portland or anything).



Thanks to Sarah Mirk for her uncovering of the truth about boobs.

Read more »

Cool Down!

Lets hear it for the cinco en junio!

5 bike porn shows at the Clinton
5 thousand in Portland's World Naked Bike Ride meaning you could see
5 limbs dangling from many bikers all over pdx.

After a month like that it seems only fitting that we take a bath or something.

So come and join us in the water! The sexiest bike event outside our pants is happening (July 4th?) just off the I-5 corridor in Central Washington in a place we call: CheHellYES!

Imagine a lot of sun and bikes and water. And explosives, and alcohol. Don't sacrifice your beautiful genitalia! Bring whatever protection you need and come have the time of your life.

Read more »

BONUS SCREENING

due to the massive outpouring of support for the show we have decided to overwhelm you with bonus screenings!

Monday June 22nd
Clinton St Theater (SE 26th and Clinton)
7, 9, and 11pm!
$6, 21+

Read more »

2 in the can, more in the bush

That's right, last night we murdered two stunned portland audiences.

murdered.

that's a lot of bodies but thankfully the nice people at the Clinton Street Theater have strong backs. More great movies there all weekend long as part of the Portland Underground Film Festival.

For those who escaped from the show without being murdered please leave a comment about where you are and how you might want to be murdered in the future, and also what you thought of the show. Lets see some dialoge! (get it? 2 way log!)

ALSO

in case you didn't know tonight is the World Naked Bike Ride. (NO LINK FOR YOU!)

meaning no matter where you are (in the northern hemisphere) you can ride your bike naked and probably convince a few thousand of your new bestest friends to join you.

Read more »

It's on

Read more »