Albuquerque (or ABQ for those in a rush) is a sort of liberal city in a fairly conservative state. The comparative differences between New Mexico and Arizona is one of the favorite topics for residents in both states.
Biking around we didn't find much excitement... or even traffic. It was after 7pm and the city doesn't have much of a nightlife, which is to say it is pretty great to ride around without traffic. This def not the case in in the afternoon, when simultaneously every car in the city appears out of every hole and nook to claim their personal space on the road.
We were able to find an empty park with a caged basketball court that we deemed hardcourt bike polo worthy... being able to put each other into the fence almost made us feel at home. If ever you find yourself at the Agency and suddenly you feel the need to play polo
here are some directions.
We played a festive round of "PSI Thigh" or "Pinch a Sexy Inch" where a team of judges squeezed bikers most impressive muscles. A little live interaction is great to get the crowd into the spirit. The show went perfect,
The Agency did a great job making sure it looked and sounded great.
The show was well promoted by
Basement Films with lots of well groomed cyclists and bike punks filling the venue. Basement Films is an excellent, profitless organization that has an impressive library of old film reels. After our screening they took time to show us some their favorites. "Double Talk" a racy 1975 short starring
Robert Picardo (the Doctor from Star Trek Voyager) shows us a beavercleaver-style family meeting their daughter's young suitor.
After watching a few reels we were feeling the need to do some reeling of our own and staked out in search of stumble juice. Somehow the Twinks were not able to get into the bar thus there was only a solo pornographer alone with a gaggle of tossed Obama supporters. We swapped stories for a min while they ogled the polo mallet.
Miraculously they were convinced to step outside where the twinks sprang into action, talking about bike crap and generally ignoring the democratically belligerent ladies who were now trying to get us to join them on a ride.
"We have whiskey and weed and you can crash on the floor"
Ah, well, if that is what is required of us, so be it. We biked on, barely able to keep pace with the two women on cruisers. Eventually we caught up to them and then we were off road, dodging bushes like we were gay cabana boys at a cougar convention. The girls decided they would take this opportunity to get wet and we were in no position to offer suggestions. We did try to explain how cold riding home will be if they didn't remove their clothes, but sometimes explaining is not enough. As it turns out the Rio Grande is not all that warm in late October at 2am. However it is muddy so we just barely made ourselves compliant with their requests to "Join us!" by wadding shin high. After the girls fell in and were soaked a few times we headed off again, now turning North along the river and a few parks.
Much whiskey and many blunts were consumed. Actually this night may have consisted of the highest quality of smoke and drink for the entire trip. A never ending dance party commenced but in lieu of being oversexual the girls were committed to being coy and the boys were committed to being lazy. This kind of combination normally ends with regret on someone's behalf, but at some point various members were dragged onto a bed from where they had collapsed on the floor. Sounds of sleeping were not heard.
our viewers had this to
say:
"Had a great time at the show, and got to see a few fixers in various states of undress. Well worth the admission price!"
ABQ, you are the greatest place we know of in the curious state of New Mexico.
thanks to
Detroit Import,
Target Salad,
Chantal Foster, and
Kittroid,
Here is a map of cities we showed Bikexploitation in during the Westward Ho! tour in Fall 2008
View Larger Map
More troubling is that the city is still working so hard to keep the show from happening. Due to a strange zoning law, they (and all movie theaters showing R-rated films) are breaking the law all the time. The text on the books says that there can be no female nipple, no butcrack, no genitalia of any sort. Perhaps only Boise was more restrictive. The city said they didn't want any live displays of nudity, but that films showing all matter of sex are okay, for now. The city even bought a handful of passes to check and make sure there was not anything displaying, saying that if there was so much as a wardrobe malfunction they would shut the entire festival down.
