When the World Rocked the Cascades

And the quaked at its oncoming monumental balls.

More details coming soon

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post-Seattle recuperation

Thank you Seattle!

so many beautiful bikers and perverts presenting themselves in a cavalcade of horny that we are hardly able to contain ourselves

lets try to recap:

A show at a place once called the Wet Spot equipped with whips, chains, cages, a pretty complete dungeon and other fortifications, one of which we had performers on top of.

A stage shared with pop-up-out-of-a-cake dancers gyrating to Kenny Loggin's Danger Zone and a variety of indecent proposals, plus a trip to a massive, abandoned concrete factory with a view of our future home, a barge left for dead on the Duwamish.

A relaxed screening at a bike screening where one of the viewers was quoted as saying, "Im sorry I have to go home now, because I am really turned on"

ZOWIE!

Thanks for all your support Seattle!

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Live on the air with HER

Hey there porn fans, we have a represenatitive on the radio starting at 4:45 pm today!

Well be talking about Bike Porn 4:PLAY, Seattle, the analysis of burlesque vs. strip teasing, and "is this the post-modern sexual revolution, or are we spinning our gears?"

HER is "a forum for underrepresented music, sounds and perspectives. We support the local music community in Seattle, King County, Washington state, and the larger Pacific Northwest by focusing on found sound, field recordings, forgotten music, local musicians, bedroom recordings..." HEY NOW!

Tune in and listen to the goods at Hollow Earth Radio.org

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Three Loads for Seattle

We are Super StokedTM because there is an invasion force coming up from other lands to enjoy this humptastic weekend.



Here is your schedule for hot bike action in the 206 this weekend:

Thursday @7pm: enjoy .83's weekly ride. Nerdcore alcoholics ride cherry whips. Meet at Westlake Center

Friday @8pm: the monthly Dead Baby ride. Starting location to be announced.

Saturday @2pm: The Center for Sex Positive Culture host the Seattle premiere of 4:PLAY

Saturday @6pm: Back to bike punk roots, Bike Porn 4:PLAY is in Georgetown at the Mix

Sunday @ 5pm: Take it to the Hill! 20/20 Cycles hosts the final 2011 screening of Bike Porn (do they have the best website by a local bike shop ever? talk among yourselves)

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Thanks Seattle Bike Blogs!

As part of our continuing work to bring our bikesexual content to more communities we have expanded past our typical places where we pimp the goods.

It has been a few months since we uprooted ourselves from our glorious bike-fucking-fun-tastic city of Portland to place ourselves in the emerald city, or as we like to think of it, the Northwest's Family Jewels. Since that time we have been sucking up to the best pimpers of bikes this state has to offer.

And what exciting news do we have! THREE big shows this weekend in Seattle!

We are up in this jam here, thanks Go Means Go, we love that you love movies.

and we have a sweet interview with the fine folks from the Seattle Bike Blog.

Finally we are scheduled to be on Hollow Earth Radio Wednesday afternoon. Tune in for your dose of audaciousness.

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Seattle Gay Bike Porn News

Thats right we bike porn folk have been dubbed good enough for government work by the gayest news in Seattle.

Then, the earth shook. Tour de Pants is the short film that quieted the room. It took the viewers a few seconds to understand what they were seeing. You see, our good Reverend Phil had a little surprise in store for the anarchic cadre of two-wheeled enthusiasts:

Scott Rice - of SGN


BUT WAIT THERE IS MORE! Learn more about the history of bike porn than you thought necessary with this secret info about the curator of the Bike Porn series...

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Deadbaby Weekend primter - Sunday

Sunday
10am Bright and early you are enjoying a friendly game of bicycle polo. Not counting the cities you have been to you meet jaunty players from Dayton, Richmond, Ottowa, Pensacola, and Anchorage. The teams are engaged in a massive double elimination bracket after the second loss they can say goodbye to being a champion. But they can say "Hello Nurse!" so be ready for staggering quantities of hilarity.

1pm The Dead Baby water bottle you drank out of the last 2 nights is very useful in keeping a low profile all afternoon. You wisely put a unique sticker on it to distinguish them from other deadbaby water bottles cast about Magnuson Park.

2pm You take in an exhibition game of tall bike polo. (note: this probably will not happen in fact this probably has never happened and will never happen, so don't ask for it to happen, cause it wont.)

4pm After all the drama and excitement the tournament has been narrowed to a handful of the best teams. You decide it is time to try to understand the rules.

NORTH AMERICAN HARDCOURT BICYCLE POLO CHAMPIONSHIP RULES

GENERAL INFORMATION:
• Three player teams.
• Games to 5 with a 15 minute time limit. No tie games.
• Double elimination tournament.
• Bar ends and mallet ends should be plugged. No exposed outer chainrings.

SCORING:
• A score is only counted when the ball is hit with a strike using the end of the mallet head.
• You may not score on a shuffle
• You can’t score on yourself

NO:
• No throwing mallets.
• No “unlike” contact. Example: Mallet to Player, Player to Bike, Mallet to Bike, etc.
• No high sticking (above handlebars).

PENALTIES:
• Dabbing or minor rules violation: Tap out.

DON’T BE A DICK
• Don’t be a dick.

6pm you discover one of the most important ideas that separates organized hardcourt from organized grass bike polo is the number of rules. But as a spectator its not nearly as important to know the rules as it is to know that heckling and jeering is as crucial to the game as the players themselves. It is a game after all, if it is not fun, it should not be played.

8pm a champion is crowned and will travel to Philadelphia for the Worlds (although it is debatable how many hemispheres have to represent to have a worlds). Our sexy bike team is hoping to score a special prize offered up to the team with the most clASS.

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Deadbaby Weekend primter - Saturday

Saturday

The hot, celestial orb of hangovers sits on your chest farting hot beams of light into your eyes. Your attempts at shutting out the pain are ignored as your friends drag you to a magical place where the industrial age has left a rusting postcard to remind you of a time we built giant things that look fucking sweet.

Moreover there are another 30 some kegs of beer that need drinking!




11am New Belgium Brewing tour de fat.

• Sean Hayes
• The Pimps of Joytime
• Handsome Little Devils present: Squirm Burpee Circus
• Nanda
• Portland’s Original Mini-Bike Dance Troupe: The Sprockettes
• Lloyd Family Players Salsa Drum Corps

Not bad, moreover even though they are charging for beer, they give all their profits to charity. Which they dont have to do, but they nice people.

4pm you owe it to yourself to check in on the action at the North American Hardcourt Bike Polo Championships. Its gonna be a long hot day, and with 4 courts there is going to be non stop action for about 10 hours straight.

8pm its about dark and you might try to rekindle a relationship with your liver by eating some starchy foods or anything to soak up the sauce you been pouring down your gullet for the past couple days.

9pm so much for that brief stint with sobriety, the sun has set and your mind turns to the perverse, its the Seattle premiere of Bike Porn 3! Heyo! We somehow managed to pimp our own event! Go us!

• Bike Porn 3: Cycle Bound
• Saturday, August 8th
• Seattle Musical Theatre, Building #47, Magnuson Park
• 7400 Sand Point Way NE
• Seattle, WA 98115
• 9 and 11pm
• $7 includes live performance

11pm wash, rinse, repeat! Its the same show but later, and thus a great chance for more obscene heckling. Try to keep your thoughts positive as you explore this wondrous journey of bike sex.

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North American Hardcourt Bike Polo Championships

We have been in negotiations with the NAHBPC folk in Seattle. We have our fingers crossed that we will be able to show our program of smutty movies to the hard working polo players vying for the coveted crown.

With all the action going on that weekend in Seattle will there be any bike fun left for the rest of Cascadia?

nope.

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bromance de paris

Comparison photo time.

Which image, taken after the final shot was scored in the recent Happy Wheels Paris polo tournament, inspires more awkwardness from bored internerds?

A: more touchy-feely?

OR

B: more feely-touchy

OR

C: more fuchy teehee-ly?

D: sweaty petting circle

Maybe it was the lack of massive beards or the air of brutal domination but either way it nearly turned... interesting?

E: the"I'll call you in the post season"

Either way we are excited for the Seattle Superstars who have added a European championship to their impressive stats. Photo credit to Sean for these pictures. Dont forget the next championship you win could have sexy results!

We think we know why these images cause such a stir among the "bike sexual". It's cause you have a dirty mind.

BikeSmut: reclaiming demonstratively sex-positive jock performance since 2007

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Reigning in Seattle

Concerns of inhospitable weather for an outdoor screening were verified in spades this early morning. The Cascadian Bikexploitation Tour is resiliant, creative and most importantly of all, lucky. A kickass gallery just 2 blocks from the outdoor space away from the flooded backyard.

The Pornography of the Bicycle
and
Bike Porn 2: Bikexploitation

Saturday, September 20th
The Mix Lounge (aka Christoff Gallery)
6004 12th Ave S #17
Seattle, WA 98108
www.christoffgallery.com
8pm

TONIGHT!

Thanks to the great folks of the FBK who reluctantly gave up their hosting rights so we could be dry.

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bad sex is its own punishment

Enough discouragement of all things humpy! Prudes can spend a lifetime explaining why anything other than sex for reproductive purposes with a single life partner with whom you have had an extravagant ritual (and possibly in exchange for a dowry) is WRONG WRONG WRONG.

But we shall mock their baseless puritanical claims wagging our collective genitalia at them. With our furious raspberries, hand gestures and logic we shall drive the uptight prudes out to swim in a sea of frigid discontent!

Or possibly we'll go about our normal, fucking amazing lives as if it is no big deal. Just like Dinh Dai Ngan, who this summer has opened the first sex shop in all of Vietnam, Chac nhu bap, which translates as "hard as corn."

"Sex is a normal thing, just like when you feel thirsty, you drink water. Why should we shy away from our basic needs?" he says.

Bringing safe, smart, comfortable sex culture to the masses is a daunting task. Many communities have suffered though horrendous periods of repressive belief systems. Those that contribute to fear and ignorance are directly responsible for many sex crimes as well as a metric shit ton of bad sex. Listless sex must end. Demand better sex today!

And so it is with great pride that we announce the second ever cascadian bike porn tour: "Cascadian Bikexploitation" Now with 100% more Olympia!

September 15-20 expect wonderful fucking bike action across the Northwest.

• 9/18 - Pickford Cinema, Bellingham
• 9/20 - Kangaroo House (FBK) Seattle
• 9/22 - Capitol Theater, Olympia
• 10/2 - Hollywood Theater, Portland
  

News of our SW tour to come soon. Please maintain a ready position

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home, humpy home

Any homecoming feels great. Finding the comfort that was lost while one was away... reconnecting with bikes and riding friends.

Portland we missed you. But it was grand to come home to such fucking bicycle beauty. Filmed by Bike, Portland's original homegrown bike movie festival held it down in impressive style. What organizational mastery. 1000s of bikers yelling and drinking and showing off the goods all weekend long at the Clinton St Theater.

It means something special to us that so many 1st time filmmakers are pushing the envelope. What saucy upstarts!

Speaking of starting up with the sauce,
our favorite drinking club with a biking problem is on the verge of hosting another bike movie festival

The Dead Baby Bikes International Independent Film Festival, or DBBIIFF (pronounced deh-BEH-ff, we think) is Thursday, May 1st. If you are in Seattle sick around an extra day and join the monthly "first Friday" club ride on the 2nd.

We hope more people will step up to help define what "bike porn" is for our community this coming season. The early deadline is rapidly approaching. Contact us if you are making something.

photo credit bikeportland.org

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what do you let inside?

We giveth and we taketh.

So to, does bike porn.

It Giveth and It Taketh.


During a bitterly cold Wednesday polo game i sheared a seat bolt off with my ass. I was playing on a road conversion fixed gear that was too big for me. The score was tied 4-4, Beer Point. Should I stop playing because i might likely tear my wool pants, and then some?




I played on. After what seems like an impossibly long stint our team finally scored the last point and I could relax a little. But not much. I had still broken Brian's bike, and I was kinda not sober and I was about to use power tools.











A funny thing pride. It kept me from resigning from the game, not because I didn't want to loose, but because who would I be if I folded under the fear of my ass being interrogated by a seatpost? After all I have asked from my producers, I would be ashamed.


Still as far as bike parts go, that seat post is mighty assertive.

The top tube was much more gentle.



NOW FOR SOME DIFFERENTLY OVERT SEXUAL BICYCLE CONTENT

The Seattle/Vancouver Trip was grand

Our bus broke down in Seattle upon arriving at the Church of the Bicycle Jesus. As planed we went out drinking with the Deadbabies. Terry beat the starter and got the bus running and, as planned, we left Seattle at 3am. Border guards made us turn it off, so we had to push it across the boarder. Inside the station Josh was accused of a variety of crimes (DUI, Assault, various gun and drug charges) and was told, "We swabbed your passport and it tested positive for ecstasy". Eventually they came to realize that10-15 year old charges are unlikely to have been committed by someone only 19.

Tom Rolf was able to find the starter by finding the dent Terry had made beating it. He followed suit with his u-lock and the bus started again.

The Bikes Inside party was great! Our hosts were amazing. We played bike polo inside a parking garage, had a fun fashion show, bands, a "Rad has got nothing on us" bike dance/derby. Later we jumped naked into the water at Jericho Beach. Refreshing.

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mixing modes

I suppose it is fair to say that I have tried a few things in my life. When speaking of experience I am generally in favor of walking at least around the block in someone else's shoes.*

I bring this upon myself. I am responsible for this. I asked, nay, pleaded** for more and more bike porn. Of any nature. Regardless of other considerations.

And yet, I cant shake the feeling of unease that comes with this.

Maybe if I was able to warm up first by watching a moped mount a motorcycle then it wouldn't seem so foreign... so taboo.***

It all just goes to show you that we all can take offense now and again. And that it is ok to have boundaries, and that when you find something that is a little... uh, creepy, that only means that we have some pretty fucked up childhood experiences we must work to ignore better.

With that I propose we go to the bar. In Portland, The Vern is still serving pints of Deadguy Ale for $2 every Tuesday. A couple of those really dulls the pain.

------------

*which makes me think that a great pickup line could be, "Nice shoes, wanna walk around the block?"

**More pleading is coming. Get your fresh ideas ready and make me blush.

*** This fan pic sent in by Lora of Seattle: http://picasaweb.google.com/lora.koenig/Bikes It is notable that she made sure the bicycle was topping the motorcycle. Regardless, I hope you all take this opportunity to report her for all that inappropriate content.

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"historic" bike porn

Being the most notorious bicycle pornographer in Biketown, USA means you get lots of crapphy email.


BUT NOT THIS ONE! It is good email, with links to a bike porn video, that i'd like to share with yalls cause it is already online and who am i to tell people not to share bikes and boobs online. (plus I dont feel like trying to "empty the pool" if ya know what i mean.

Earlier this month a fine fellow comes up to me after the Cyclecide performance in Seattle and tries to show me with a video. I can t see it, so we share paper. Just a couple days ago i found the paper and emailed him. The result is good old fashioned homemade biker pron from the deadbaby downhill in august from this year

So the total result is, video shot in seattle, found a month latter in seattle and now blogging about it in seattle.

You would think i like this place or something.

We are about to screen The Pornography of the Bicycle for the first time in Washington in an hour, the deadbabies are bringing the sexercycle and I think there is a compitition for who can give the best ride.


There may be a second screening if the first explodes with huppy goodness.

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Bumbershoot my pants off!

i heart Seattle, and its not cause anything here is all that great, but damn i got some nice fucking friends up in this jam.

Bumbershoot is the most commercial thing i have been to since... uh Disnyland (circa 1996?). But luckily a bunch of dirty bikers (myself and many fine Deadbabies) along with the Cyclecide Bike Rodeo from SF we have made folks scream with delight. They even got on the cover of Seattle's daily.

Everyone seems to know about Bike Porn already. Will The Trucks perform in Bellingham? Will there be a second screening in Seattle? Will we even find a venue in Olympia?

so many questions, so little pork.

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