Showing posts with label holiday. Show all posts
Showing posts with label holiday. Show all posts

Sunday, April 24, 2011

Pork for Jesus

Happy Easter, bike fuckers. This Sunday celebration of fertile springing could be your opportunity to score some bunny love in the bushes.


Love could be right around the corner. Then again, we could say the same thing about death, so be careful what you stick where.



photo credit to Pagans and Christians whose combined forces make for one hella crazy holiday!
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Saturday, October 30, 2010

fuck ween. happily!




Hallo fuckin ween.


A fine time to engage in bizzare, futuristic endevors, the fall marks the moment when a horny biker will attempt to make sure they have a warm place to lie.
How they present themselves precludes their so called independence from the weather

For example we have reason to believe the middle pumpkin that says "Marry" in the image below also says "Mount" on the backside. Thus continues the fine association with nature and sexuality that has been increasingly necessary to maintain some degree of honesty between our legs.



which takes us back to how we treat our bodes like macheines.






Previously we had some "animal/vegetable-hog autumn" metaphor to entertain and disturb. Squeelin for a feelin, so to speak.



Sure bikesexuality has come to a point of absolute parity.





no matter what the effects of our "costumes".








If opening up means more than splitting hairs...







otherwise we might become some sort of internet preditor.



with help from
xenophilius.wordpress.com
mtnace.blogspot.com
randomn3ss.com
Happy internet thefting days
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Thursday, January 3, 2008

Arrest, Denied Constitutional Rights, Bored Gestapo

This is the story of our friend Lauren and her time in jail this New Years. I talked to her just after her release on the morning of Thursday, January 3, 2008.

Her crew of friends went to go play in the desert some 40 miles North of the California-Mexico border. After a few days camping they were traveling north, away from the border, heading back to Oakland when they were stopped by Homeland Security.

The Flower Shop Bus is not a corporate branded coach with business professionals in suits. The outside is a unique, colorful explosion of art and counterculture; a rolling bohemian transport.

"But we never crossed the border. We never left US soil, and you have no reason or right to detain us," they protested.

Standing outside the bus with their police dog Homeland Security was not deterred."If this dog is not let on board the bus we are going to have to pull everyone off."

The passengers were not willing to give up their constitutionally protected rights. "We do not consent to a search," they said.

So the guards walked the dog around the outside of the bus. At some point the dog handler interpreted the dog's actions as a sign. "We have probable cause now. Everyone off the bus"

The passengers complied with the orders. "Funny thing," one of the passengers said. "Once they had decided they had probable cause to search the bus they did not bother to take the dog on board. They just started throwing things around."

The passengers were not trustful of the guards. "can we watch you search our bus?" They asked.

"You can observe from outside the bus." the guards said. Then just moments later all the passengers were told to go inside the holding cell at the Homeland Security station.

The Homeland Security guards searched everyone. They took everything other than one piece of ID and cash money. The passengers were then locked in little gray rooms. One with 6 guys. Another with 6 girls. Their accommodation included:
  • a toilet without seat
  • a water bottle
  • graham crackers and gas station burritos (enough food for one person shared between 6)

They were repeatedly told that they were not being held or detained. (Once a person is detained that person gains certain protections and rights, including being told why they are being detained. If the officer cannot tell you why you are being held you are free to go.)

To avoid letting their spirits dampen they played games like hurricane and farticane and tried to communicate with the other holding cell.

Eventually the guards brought everyone to a room with a table on which sat a pile of drugs: marijuana and mushrooms.

After a long moment they asked who was responsible for these drugs. Everyone was confused then, quickly, the passengers all became very irritated. They had just spent half a week in the desert. By the time they left their makeshift campsite they had almost nothing left. No paint for art, no food for eating, and certainly no drugs.

"Hey! Who's been holding out?!?"

It was explained to them that although there was no way to prove ownership they would all be charged with possession, trafficking and the like. They would not detained, nor held, but they would not be able to leave. Or, if they cooperated, and the owner took responsibility everyone else would go free.

After some discussion about their options it was decided that the driver would take the fall: misdemeanor possession of marijuana, and felony possession of mushrooms. Also a French girl who had overstayed her visa is in the process of being deported. Presently she is being held in San Diego.

Quipping about the drug war and the incredible waste of resources it creates, one anonymous passenger said, "I think they should go out and pluck all the plants that are illegal."

"It is rather ironic. Here are travelers on a lonely road... Here is a federal agency that I pay to keep me safe..."

Shawn was able to get Lauren a flight so that she could reconnect with the Bike Pornification Tour. She got off the plane onto the BART and caught the last half of the 2nd show in San Francisco.

Lovers of pornography beware! Our borders shrink every day and our rights diminish even faster. Persecution for behaving or appearing different is tantamount to enforcing a homogenized, milquetoast culture of xenophobia.

Wear protection, carry lube and be ready to defend your sovereignty .
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Wednesday, January 2, 2008

Bring Porn Home

Tonight, Jan 2nd we are having the 1st ever public screening of The Pornography of the Bicycle in a private residence.

Our friend Pasture Ted has arranged for a nice spacious domicile at 732 N Street in the Platinum Bike City of Davis, CA. I'm looking forward to seeing 1st hand how much better it is than biking in Portland. I hear their cops still give out lights to bikers without them, so maybe i will get lucky.

Regardless this is a unique opportunity to experience these programs in a very intimate setting. Maybe I will talk for a bit afterward, or maybe I will get run out of town.

Thursday, January 3rd we screen our bike porn in San Francisco at the Roxie. Everyone's eyes light up when i say that so the theater must be pretty good.

We also got some sweet gifts from our friends at Good Vibrations. A book on masturbation a couple cockrings and more!

I want to thank Cyclecide for hosting the best NYE party I've been to in a while. Good people, good performances and no cover! I love me some free fun!
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Saturday, December 22, 2007

Countdown to Calipornification


I have abandoned my Portland bike mecca to take up arms (and legs) in the heart of car culture. Los Angeles! A fierce combination of cyclists are assisting me with the Bike Calipornification Tour.

We are hitting all the biggest, baddest, cycle-horniest places south of Portland on this tour: LA, SF, and CG*

One of the most exciting part for me is getting to meet some of the people who submitted videos. Both Paul de Carcass of the SFVISBF and Colin Arlen of Macaframa who co produced the San Francisco Track Bike video will get to see the entire program for the first time.

We are very thankful for our supporters who remind us that our bodies and our bikes need lots of love.

A variety of sponsors is helping to make this evening even more special... that is to say there is some cool stuff you might get just for showing up:


  • A display of too sexy bicycles, Merry Saddles is strutting its stuff.
  • One of the longest running, women operated sex stores in the country Good Vibrations is helping us shake it up in San Francisco.
  • Ashira of Red Riding Hood Productions has some hats.
  • Liz and Shay of C.I.C.L.E. are providing tshirts
  • Babeland has recently opened a new store in LA and is pulling out all the stops!

UPDATE: OH CRAP! I ALMOST FORGOT

  • Orange 20 bikes will support the cause with some of their fine wares
  • Jen Diamond has stepped up to provide one of her handmade Jerseys

screenings in Santa Cruz? Dubious. In Davis, CA? Likely! Bike Porn Radio interview New Years Day @ 5:15 PM with Pastor Ted.

*CG... as in Cottage Grove, Oregon. Duh.

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Friday, October 5, 2007

Enjoy Calipornication

It appears that once again, this holiday season Shawn and I will find ourselves traversing the majesty that is California. Of course, this time we wont be showing Bike Love2: Outta PDX.

The dates are a little fuzzy still, but I believe that we will drive (eep!) straight down to LA, then take our time coming back to Portland screening it along the way... kinda like stopping to hump the flowers.

You could help bring Bike Porn to your home! Contact me and tell me you are a dirty Californian (or Southern Oregon) biker in need of release.

meanwhile enjoy some almost not quite porn that is not at all bike related but is on theme, kinda.

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