Bike Smut 5: SPEED trailer, finally!

This was enough work that we feel it deserves its own post, so just in case you missed it here is the seizure inducing promotional trailer for Bike Smut 5: SPEED



go get some!

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Submit to Bike Smut 5:SPEED

Lets just get this clear... YOU HAVE TWO WEEKS TO MAKE SWEET PORN!

Sure we do this to you every year, and every year you decide you can wait until next year. Only, we are really blowing ourselves out this year, so will this continue? No one can say for sure. We are committed to the cause of bringing all this sweet art for one more year. Will there be a Bike Smut 6?

The future is vast and unknown, so take this opportunity to "do it in the road" and do it fast!


Call for submissions
Bike Smut 5: SPEED
Deadline for entry is May 25th, 2011

We are best set up to utilize digital movies (but we are researching how to accept sculptures and other media)

• On DVD media, or possibly uploaded to our FTP*
• Less than 10 min long (unless you are a bike porn editing god)
• Shot in 16x9 aspect ratio

Finished movies can be sent to our Seattle office:

DKPatterson
1122 East Pike St.
#1062
Seattle, WA 98122


Please include the following info with your submission:

• movie title
• year of film's completion
• director(s), or anyone who deserves props.
• running time
• movie synopsis (if you don't write something we may write something for you) What protection do you want? Some people request that a movie is never played in a particular city. Others are hoping to have everyone see the movie. Choose which licenses your work is protected by! If you want bonus credit include a story (OR EVEN A SHORT VIDEO) about how you came to make the decision about the protection you desire. Whoa, sweet meta action!
  

Selected works will be included in the (maybe last) Bike Smut tour. In the past four years (with hundreds of screenings) no artists have had their work leaked onto any lame porn websites, grandmothers or anywhere else for that matter. This is an excellent opportunity to share your vision with the hungry masses in a safe setting.

*email bikesmut@gmail.com for questions about your uploading technique

Make inspiring works of bikesexual art today!

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The Backlash Falls

Thank you so much for helping us on our mystical bikesexual tour of North America. Traversing the landscape would not have been possible without rad folks such as you. Our team of plucky pornographers, Courtney, Lindsay and Morrighan all say, "HI! THANK YOU!! KISSES!!!"

It's been a long and crazy ride... and its not over yet!

SOON...

Soon we will be back in PDX!
Soon we will stay in the same bed for more than 2 days consecutively (probably)
Soon we will find out who actually made us a bike porn and who was lame

DONT BE LAME!

Sure the twice extended, drop dead, might-as-well-submit-it-in-July deadline is coming up incredibly soon, but we have seen fantastic movies made in an incredibly short period of time. Maybe you saw the movies and were inspired. Maybe you saw the movies and were unimpressed. Maybe you didn't see the movies and want to ensure that you dont miss it next year. Maybe you just like bikes and sex. The best way to respond to any of these feelings is to Make a bike porn!

Please note that we have a couple requests for filmmakers:

Make it tight! (if you are not an experienced editor than make it short!)
Make it proportional! We are asking for a 16x9 aspect ratio.
Make it inspiring! Make us want to fuck, or bike... or fuck bikes!
Make it today! You dont have much time left, DO IT!


Here is a blog post with lots more info including where to send your movie!

http://bikeporntour.blogspot.com/2010/03/call-for-entries-bike-porn-4-play.html

You make it possible for bikers to talk about sex, you make it
possible for sex fiends to enjoy biking, you make your community
stronger and more aware. You share these things with people you care
about because it improves their lives.

Thank you,

Bike Porn Industries

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Finish Strong

You are approaching the end!

Our final show of Bike Porn 3:CYCLE BOUND is this Friday in Olympia! Two screenings back to back! (chest to back?)

Its not just the end of the Backlash tour but also of your opportunity to make fab film for bike porn 4:PLAY!

like, it should be in today.

But you are a lazy fuck and not quite done yet so we will give you a another 36 hours. BUT DAMN you are making us crazy. If we had hair we would most certainly be pulling it out. Except our pit hair, we need that to attract the twiks.

Seriously tho, the world premiere for 4PLAY is 10 days away. Dont make us seise up like a rusty seatpost. Bring the lube and finish us off right!

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extensions of ourselves

"Sure sure," you say... "But what is it that you are "extending" out to people?"

Well that answer is more meta phoric than we would care to answer with specifics.



we're pretty sure this was targeted for/at the guys who actually have said "yea, it has got a hemmi"multiple times, without any sarcasm.

But yes we are exteneding ourselves, and possibly also "extending" you (or maybe "stretching"" is a more appropriate term?) because even though the deadline for Bike Porn 4:PLAY is officially May 10th, 2010 we are going to give you and extra couple weeks to actually deliver the goods.

have your finished movie in MiniDV NTSC format
with 16x9 aspect ratio
make it awesome
make it tight
make your friends proud (or confused, or disturbed, but no matter the emotion you are going for make sure you really go for it)

AND GET IT TO US BY JUNE 1st 2010

Bike Porn Industries
1035 NE Skidmore St
Portland, OR 97211


thanks to the hella sweet MNPLS artist who made this terrifying image a reality

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Call for Entries: Bike Porn 4 PLAY

THIS JUST IN, THE DEADLINE HAS BEEN EXTENDED! Just like an extra cycle we are pushing the limits... how much longer can we haul your procrastinating ass around?

Until May 31st. Then you will be too late to get on the porn bus!

Get ready for action... with your BRAIN!

This is our call for submissions to our 4th year of bikesexual content.

We want to see the human/bicycle condition represented in a new exciting way. We want to have our feelings on sexuality challenged. We want an unprecedented amount of consensual sexual energy!

Click me for improved porn resolution

We love hot people on hot bikes but that is not the totality of Bike Porn. Maybe you can reach deeper. Why are bikes sexy? Show us what happens to your body just before you ride. Show us just after! Can you visually demonstrate the tingle you get?

Or, take it from another perspective. Instead of sexing up a bike, why not create a movie about adding more bicycle to sex!

We want a variety of kinds of bikes too! In the 1st year we had soap box racers. 4 wheels, no drive train... is that even a bike?!? Since then we haven't even had a trike or unicycle. what gives??!!? Diversify already! WHERE ARE MY BUTT BOARDERS AT? There are so many different kinds of cycling... we dont care if you are commuting or recreating, racing or cruising, climbing or bombing, paved streets or bushwacking, for love or money, singlets or unitards we take it all and we want it all!

Also, where are the dudes? We have seen a lot of different people with different genitalia expressing their love of bikes, but as famed stencil artist Tiago deJerk said coming out of the show, "I loved the program so much jizzed into your popcorn when your head was turned, but where is the dick?"* (Loosely translated from Portuguese)

Strong words Mr DeJerk (self incriminating too). To be clear, we love all our bold women but it would be great to see more men inspired to create and share. Even though dudes are frequently able to drop their drawers at a moment's notice there was a lack of proud men willing to show us the goods. As one of our tour peeps sayz every time she tells some poor unsuspecting guy to take his pants off: "DEMYSTIFY THE PENIS!"

The content you submit is ideally (although not necessarily) related to the theme, "4 Play." This theme is for you, the creator, to interpret. Use any media you like although the more original the better.

Moreover any form of artwork on the theme is welcome. Most will be in the form of a totally sweet movie on Mini-DV tape shot in 16x9 cinema ratio. DVDs and VCDs will probably work fines but are more prone to errors. BUT if you are so moved by the ideas of bikes and sex that you want to say, make us a college about bikes and dicks... well we are not in any position to say no.

You have until the 10th of May to put your entry into our headquarters:

CycleBound
C/O Bike Porn Industries
1035 NE Skidmore St
Portland, Oregon 97211

Please include the following info with your submission:

• movie title
  
• year of film's completion
• director(s), or anyone who deserves props.
  
• running time
  
• movie synopsis (if you don't write something we may write something for you)
  
• What protection do you want? Some people request that a movie is never played in a particular city. Others are hoping to have everyone see the movie. Choose which licenses your work is protected by!

Selected works will be included in the ever-expanding Bike Porn Tour. In the past three years (with hundreds of screenings) no artists have had their work leaked onto any lame porn websites or anywhere else for that matter. This is an excellent opportunity to share your vision with the hungry masses in a safe setting.

The gauntlet is down. You have your walking/biking/humping orders.

Don't wait for the last minute. Make inspiring bike porn today!

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The blog post to prepare you for an important annoucemnt

This shit is big.

like someone had better fucking call Mario and Luigi big.

On Tuesday, March 9th we will release the new Bike Porn 3 Trailer.

Yes, we understand you are possibly overwhelmed at the notion. For the past 3 years we have only had one promotional trailer for each program of independently made erotic bicycle movies. But before you decide that this shit is too big to handle forcing you to abandon your home in a panic you should instead on hold on for another quick minute cause there is more important info yet to come. First we apologize for squatting on it for so long. (long time readers will note how we despise that behavior in others) We had plans to do lots of things with with this video. We wanted to chop it into smaller web sized chunks, possibly tease the audience for a while... but really it is so glorious it just needs to be seen by everyone who wont get fried for watching hot bike sex.

And actually some of you really SHOULD get fired for watching Bike Porn at work. Besides being hilarious you would might enjoy the new freedoms associated with having been "terminated for excessive bikesexuality at work" (because we all know excessive bikesexuality never inhibits performance).

Its important to note that because we don't have any DVDs out there (not only do we not sell DVDs but we also dont send screeners to theaters, meaning there are NO dvds out there). This is in order for us to:

A) protect the anonymity of the pornographers and
B) force the audience to engage BikePorn in a setting where they can talk to their peers and
C) meet sexy fucking bikers

But as if that is not exciting enough, not only will you get to see Miss Nicky Robo's how new queer eyed take on Bike Porn 3 Cycle Bound, but you will also learn: THE THEME AND DEADLINE FOR NEXT YEAR'S BIKE PORN!

Imagine! You! In your own porn! That you create! And is shared with 1000s of people in intimate screenings! And you never have to worry about it being online! So you are totally protected from your grandparents ever seeing it on youtube!

So many people have been talking about making Bike Porn for us, and of course we couldn't be happier. Its our charge to bring it to the vast horny bike audiences out there. And we do.

Now get out there and friggin flip your shit out!

TUESDAY! MARCH 9th!

CRAP!

photo credit to
http://www.maryrobinettekowal.com/2007/04/
http://cristianpenas.deviantart.com/art/The-Legend-of-Peach-87673694

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so much entry!

Its over! We've received about a dozen submissions for Bike Porn 3: Cycle Bound and all of them are excellent. In fact this is certainly the most explicit program of bike sexuality we have produced to date meaning that someone got the memo.

What's that? You planned to make a movie but didn't get it done in time?!? For shame.

Well it is always a good time to make bike porn. In fact some people email us to let us know that they created really amazing work that they will not be sharing just cause they made it for themselves. While on the outside we seethe with rage at the indignity of this kind of statement, inside we know that it is for the best. The culture of recognizing how sexy bikes and bikers are is upon us and it would not be advisable for us to share everything anyway. Some things remain hidden, if only barely.

Thanks to all the pervs who has submitted to our will. You will be dealt with soon enough.




er we forgot where we stole this image from so please accept our lamest preemptive apologies!

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Bike Porn Extension!

Deadlines! they are awesome!

Behold, we have extended our deadline to submit to Bike Porn 3: CYCLE BOUND to Wednesday June 3rd!

That's 2 whole more days of making rad sex positive adult content!

Whether your content depicts a bicycle dominatrix, the nature of a lifestyle committed (bound) to a car free lifestlye or just your run of the mill "double rush delivery"

speed hump!

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Cycle Bound Schedule

That's right, all the chain whips in the world can't beat down your desire for new bike porn content.


In June 2007 a simple program titled, "The Pornography of the Bicycle" shocked and EW'ed many a unsuspecting viewer. The owner claimed it to be the most successful single night in the history of the Clinton Street Theater. Many reported saying they would never again look at a bike saddle the same way.

Then in 2008 a more involved more diverse program with submissions from NYC, Seattle, Columbus and Victoria BC mixed up the formula giving birth to "Bikexploitation," a mix of 70s inspired pulp film and wholesome family friendly cycle erotica.

Now we are in the Summer of 2009, only days away from the world premiere of Bike Porn 3: CYCLE BOUND. Here are the uber exciting details about the screenings:

• Friday June 12th
• Clinton Street Theater
• New in 2009, an early show at 6:45 pm
  
• Old in 2009, prime time show at 8:45 pm (gets out in time for the MMR)
  

Friday nights don't work for you? Try this last screening in June before the tour leaves Portland to demoralize the rest of the world:

• Monday June 22nd
• Clinton Street Theater
• Newish in 2009, a late night show 11pm
• EVEN NEWER BONUS SCREENINGS AT 7 and 9pm! 3 show night!
  

All shows are $6 and include impressive live performances.

Since it is our 3rd program we expect it to be good, possibly even violently good, like "oh my god, i just locked up your crabby-pants step-brother in the anal rape cellar" good. But we don't know yet... because there is still 2 weeks to submit a movie and a lot of humping gets done during these long sultry days and short, hot nights.


So it is up to you to create fine works of sexually charged bicycle art, to capture those images onto a format fit for display and share them with us, your humble media dominatrix.

TWO WEEKS!

SCHNELL!

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3 weeks left

If you are not feeling pressure we hope that

• A) you have completed your movie and know what to do with it
• B) you have a great idea for a movie and know how to get it done in time
• C) you will freak out for the next 21 days to get it done on schedule

Please save us the horror of ripping our still beating hearts out of our collective chests from the pain of receiving a great bike porn movie after the deadline passes. Please.

Finish it up, address it, put it in the mail, clean yourself off and put some pants on (or whatever you feel like doing).

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Taste Testers Agree: It Needs More Porn

Oh internet, you are so full of humor, sex, intrigue, insight, and disturbing as fuck images.

So many people have been curious about the content of Bike Porn 3: CYCLE BOUND that we felt it prudent to explain how not to make a sexy bike movie:

• make it too long
• make it too confusing (for too long)
• make it with out personality
• make it with people wearing lots of clothes
• make it about the wrong kind of bikes
  
• make it sans sexuality
  

Now there are some movies that are on their way, but they may need some help. For example:
Impressive for sure but what about bears doing track stands?
This fashion show is just a rad bike trick away
If your actors are siting around wondering "what next" than so are we

Moreover the possibilities for traditionally nonsexy things to get us hot and bothered should be explored, not shunned. Bike laws as porn?

How about a sexy traffic "law"

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Smeed%27s_law

Can you prove that information is sexy? That the brain is one big soft-gray-matter-hard-on?

kinda like this only with more bikes and less turkey

you have only one month left before the really frigging last min deadline ends your opportunity to SUBMIT... perhaps forever. DONT BE A JERK! instead jerk to the beat, and create fanfuckingtastic works of sexy bike art, today.

* In fairness, we are not explicitly against internal combustion engines, more that we are opposed to what they have done/continue to do. Freedom can come in many forms, and so can prison. We are, however, ready to square off with any mofo who tells us that twisting wrist is sexier than rocking your ride.

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SUBMIT! to the sexiest bike show in the world

Lets go over this again.

MOST PORN SUCKS!

Literally and figuratively . There is a reason porn becomes disinteresting so fast. Porn seeks to fulfill our most basic sexual needs and nothing else. This leaves the viewer feeling empty and drained. Sometimes that is all we want, but sometimes we want more.


In the biz they say "call for entries" but Danny Glover says, "Put it in your mouth!" and he means it!

A major joy and problem with porn is that it has low goals and it only kinda succeeds in fulfilling them. Void of substance, most porn leaves the viewer with a feeling distant from those around her.

THIS IS NOT WHAT WE WANT!

We want to see the human/bicycle condition represented in a new exciting way. We want to have our feelings on sexuality challenged. We want an unprecedented amount of consensual sexual energy.

Sure, hot people on hot bikes is good but that is not the totality of Bike Porn. Maybe you can reach deeper. Why are bikes sexy? Show us!

The content you submit is ideally (although not necessarily) related to the theme, "cycle bound." This theme is for you, the creator, to interpret.

Any form of artwork on the theme is welcome. Most will be in the form of a totally sweet movie on Mini-DV tape shot in 16x9 cinema ratio. DVDs and VCDs will probably work fine but are more prone to errors.

You have until the 1st of June to put your entry into our headquarters:

CycleBound
C/O Bike Porn Industries
5301 NE 16th Ave
Portland, Oregon 97211

Please include the following info with your submission:

• movie title
  
• year of film's completion
• director(s), or anyone who deserves props. (You can remain anonymous.)
  
• running time
  
• movie synopsis
• What protection do you want? Some people request that a movie is never played in a particular city. Others are hoping to have everyone see the movie. Choose which licenses your work is protected by!

Selected works will be included in the ever-expanding Bike Porn Tour. In the past two years no artists have had their work leaked onto any lame porn websites. This is an excellent opportunity to share your vision with the hungry masses in a safe setting.

Don't wait for the last minute. Make inspiring bike porn today!

Read more »

Urban Velo, bike pimp

Urban Velo's Brad Quartuccio and Jeff Guerrero have been documenting most of the important trends affecting city bikers for years. Their stories, photos and even adds are usually dripping in so much style that it might seem overwhelming to everyday readers.

Although they are based out of Pittsburgh (PGH!) they have been fairly successful in covering lots of culture from cities all over the world.

Just this past week our own call for entries to Bike Porn 3: Cycle Bound graced their fine website.

Here is hoping that there are lots of aspiring filmmakers reading and rubbing.



http://www.flickr.com/photos/bike/




heh, he said "wedge" ----------------------------->





Both Photos "mysteriously stolen" from Urban Velo's Flikr Pool.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raytracing/

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[Its a bike extension]

Finally the content we have been waiting for!

After a year of pimping the bike sexual revolution content has begun to trickle in from a variety of sources

San Francisco
Salt Lake City TWICE!
Victoria, BC

Such is the furry of editing with deadlines. And it is with great encouragement that I offer up this note of substantial importance to those who care... you have been offered an extension on your Bikexploitation Redux productions. That means you have just a little more time to get all the kinks worked in and out so that the visual, tactile, olfactory and audacious experiences are perfect.

In order to catch this this wave of quasi taboo sexual activity send in your Bikexploitation inspired media (DVDs or MiniDV tapes) by Monday August 4th!

Leave no saddle unmolested!

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what ho! a bike porn film festival!?!?

Some highlights from a year of sharing bike porn:

Presenting 24 short movies from 6 west coast cities

The videos range from 8 minuets at its longest down to less than 10 seconds

22 screenings in some of the most famous venues in cinema:

• Roxie in SF
• Musicbox in Chicago
• Byrd in Richmond

Bringing together 1000s of horny bikers across North America.


AND STILL THEY ARE HUNGRY FOR MORE!

So now is your chance to give them more. The Bike Porn 2: Bikexploitation EXTENSION!

You have been given more time to dream up, document, edit, (then edit more) and turn into us a final product you feel is worthy of the historic trashy endeavor.

Make it dirty and make it fast cause on May 7th if I dont have it in my hand you will be too late!

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home, humpy home

Any homecoming feels great. Finding the comfort that was lost while one was away... reconnecting with bikes and riding friends.

Portland we missed you. But it was grand to come home to such fucking bicycle beauty. Filmed by Bike, Portland's original homegrown bike movie festival held it down in impressive style. What organizational mastery. 1000s of bikers yelling and drinking and showing off the goods all weekend long at the Clinton St Theater.

It means something special to us that so many 1st time filmmakers are pushing the envelope. What saucy upstarts!

Speaking of starting up with the sauce,
our favorite drinking club with a biking problem is on the verge of hosting another bike movie festival

The Dead Baby Bikes International Independent Film Festival, or DBBIIFF (pronounced deh-BEH-ff, we think) is Thursday, May 1st. If you are in Seattle sick around an extra day and join the monthly "first Friday" club ride on the 2nd.

We hope more people will step up to help define what "bike porn" is for our community this coming season. The early deadline is rapidly approaching. Contact us if you are making something.

photo credit bikeportland.org

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BikePorn2: call for enteries

April 15th, the "softpack" deadline for Bikexploitation is upon us!

Maybe you are a sexy biker, or know of a sexy biker that you would like to exploit. Consider creating a short video on the theme, "bikexploitation".

This is the call for entries, please note: not all bike porn is taking seats up rectums!

Not that we are opposed to people literally interpreting the term, "entries" but you should know that Bike porn can manifest in many forms. Consider the decisive nature of steering, or the delicate way your pom poms float in the breeze, how brutally you dominate those pedals, driving each of them further and further. There are a multitude of manners by which to derive ones sexual gratification from a bike but have you considered how many ways to deliver such gratification to your bicycle?

Sexual liberation is a right. Claim it proudly. Stand tall with us as we say, "FUCK BIKES!"

Please don't let your feelings (or orifices) get hurt, contact us if you are making something and we will try to reserve your time slot; and please be safe.

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Yoni BikeXploitation

You know how they say 'you hurt the ones you love'? It works the same with bikes. I don't all think bikers are *necessarily* masochists, although what do you call people who push their bodies for 18 hours at a time for fun?

This video is not about strenuous exercise, but it is about putting ourselves in an uncomfortable position and receiving an unexpected benefit.





Every week we are gonna have some more hot content of people speaking to their own personal experience with bicycle sexuality. Next week, DoucheMaster0 has his first bicycle euphoria in a New Your City Critical Mass

Thanks to Crank My Chain for technical assistance, and all the horny bikers on the Midnight Mystery Ride

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Bike Porn II : BIKEXPLOITATION

Citizens of Bike Pornia, behold and submit to your new theme of human powered erotica:

Bike Porn II: BIKEXPLOITATION
Those interested in submitting a movie for our 2008 program must:

• send an email to revphil@gmail.com
• use mini-DV tape or better
• shoot in 9x16 aspect ratio
• make it 7 minuets or less
• know copyright-free music is better
• submit by April 15th, 2008

Here is a steamy, yet safe for work promo!


The same video on YouTube


Thanks to Crank My Chain! CycleTV, and the consulting adults of the anniversary Midnight Mystery Ride

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