Verbal encouragement

One of our top priorities in the coming year is some sort of bikeporn encouragement meter broken down per location. Near the top are perennial debauchee encouragers New Orleans, New York, Toronto, and Atlanta as well as the little bike porn capitol of the rockies, Salt Lake. Plus who could ignore Asheville NC with its world record tall bike erection. All are looking to host bike porn and a pornometer would help us make our tough choices about where to go. But where as many a city promises booze, cookies, and spandex the town of Albuquerque might be in the lead after we received this lovely prose:

Wanna ride bikes?

The frame

Firm but compliant beneath me

Just the right size

Made to fit only me

The cadence

Steady and long

Tension and release

Until the motion is a smooth revolution of muscle

The chain

Linking the various pieces into a fluid continuum

The wheel

Revolving

Hurtling me forward

To places I hadn’t dared to imagine

The spokes constant tease of

Tension and Release

The tires

The scalpel edge

Tearing me forward into new frontiers

My bike and me

Transporting each other passed the bounds of imagination

Until all muscles firing in this game of

Tension and release, tension and release

Pounding hard into unexplored worlds

Tension and release

Ecstasy

Huzza bike porn citizens of "The Que!" They certainly did show us some bike love when we visited there in November of 2008.

Warm up those temptation engines! Tell us when where and why bike porn should be played!

send bribe laden email to:
bikesmut@gmail.com

photo credit to o . . . phuck!™

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"Westward Ho" Bikexploitation tour

The Westward Ho Bikexploitation Tour encompasses the western United States in October and November. If you are (or know of) fun-loving, sexy bikers in any of these cities we are excited to meat you!

• 10/6 Boise @ The Red Room
  
• 10/7 Pocatello
• 10/9-10 Salt Lake City @
  
• 10/15 Boulder
• 10/16 Ft Collins
• 10/18 Denver at Orange Cat Studios
  
• 10/20 Grand Junction
  
• 10/21 Moab
  
• 10/23-26 Durango
• 10/27 Albuquerque
• 10/29 Houston
  
• 10/31 Austin
• 11/4 Marfa
• 11/5 Bisbee
  
• 11/6-9 Tucson
  
• 11/11-15 Tempe
  
• 11/16 San Diego
• 11/20 Los Angeles
• 11/22 Santa Cruz
• 11/28 San Francisco
• 11/29 Oakland
• 12/1 Davis
• 12/5 Corvallis/Eugene homecoming show
  

All dates are subject to change without warning. Although we think this constitutes a warning, so there.

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The Bike Porn "Name the Annoying Blogger" Contest

Something we are seriously lacking is regular content. Like some prune juice and Metamucil Bran muffin content!
To that end we have a new reoccurring feature at BikeSmut.com... but we don't have a name for it yet.

Here is the premise. 100s of hours are spent scouring the internet for bike porn. Most of it is pretty tame. But an ungodly amount of my searches end up with us reading the ignorant, annoying-as-fuck social conservative blog de jour.

• "Gays are manipulating our children, keep them out of college"
• "I knew he was into evil because I searched his web browser history"
• "...and the serpent laid down with the bike thus I ran to my Ford Extinction and hit the A/C, cause cold blooded things hate air conditioning"

Most of them are terrible and boring, but some are just terrible. They need to be mocked bitterly. Just in time for our tour though the Southwest (yea Texass!) Ideally the annoying bloggers will be in a city we are screening at and we can motivate them to stay home and write about how terrible everything is.


Please send your title suggestions to: bikesmut@gmail.com

The winner will get a signed "Bike Porn 2" poster. This is not yet available to anyone, in fact only the few artists involved involved in their reproduction have one, and this is the 1st giveaway/bribing we have tried/lowered ourselves to so it is doubly special!

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Orgasmic NYC Critical Mass

If you are riding a bike can get off anytime you like. It is part of the freedom inherent in cycling that makes such individualism possible. You jump in and jump out at your discretion.

But what about riding in groups? What about giving up some of your individualism to the will of a larger organism? Is that fun? Is that sexy?


May the Bicycle Jesus bless your ride massers of New York. For all the suffering you have endured there is still a lot of fun to come. The Bike Porn Eastern Swing is showing The Pornography of the Bicycle at a sweet venue in midtown!

3/22/08

@ 7:00 9:00 & 11:00pm

Chashama
217 East 42nd St New York City, NY 10017
www.chashama.org

With 75 seats this is a very intimate venue so we are doing a record breaking three screenings, Saturday, March 22nd @ 7, 9, and 11pm.

Admission is only $6 so expect a packed house.

This screening is being partially sponsored by Babeland, who totally are into bikes and sex.

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Richmond, Virgina: packed full of humpy goodness

RVA here I come!

We have a team

We have a theater

We have a plan

Please, someone give us a car for 3 weeks to promote bikes. It makes perfect sense and it will be cheaper and more fuel efficient than buying us a bunch of plane tickets.

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Out of the Living Room on to the Streets

What ho! Davis has all the infrastructure to make any city jealous (except some form of mass transit that connects with an elevator that takes one to the top of a hill in an old growth forest just outside an urban center... but other than that its great!)

The thing is they are suffering from a lack of culture to draw the like minded folks together. Last night viewers of The Pornography of the Bicycle came one step closer to an active bicycle culture.

30 people crammed themselves into a modest living room in the N St Cohousing. This was the first time we had a public screening in a private residence. It was a little different to be sure. In a big theater anonymity is very possible, even likely, and hecklers (totally encouraged) are unknown voices clamoring for more. But in a small space everyone knows who said what.

The big advantage was being able to take 15 min after the show to answer questions. So many questions. "Why did you do that?" "How do you normally ride on your saddle?" Does that hurt?"

The audience generously donated $75 to our humpalicious efforts. And then a motley crew consisting of a recumbent tricycle, a tallbike, a single speed, a pedal-electric hybrid 2 seater, and the mobile bike church trike rode off on those mean Davis streets.

Thanks guys, now go start up some bike polo league. I got a hankerin for some nice biker on biker violence.


TONIGHT! BIKE PORN @ THE ROXIE!
@ 7 and 9:30 pm
with gifts from Last Gasp and Good Vibrations

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Bike Porn @ the Vine

Its happening tonight in Los Angeles...

December 28th
8:30 pm @ The Vine Theater
6321 Hollywood Boulevard (@ Vine)

We have a game show, raffle with sweet prizes, a reenactment of the 2006 WNBR and that is all before the screening!

thanks to everyone who made this possible.

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"historic" bike porn

Being the most notorious bicycle pornographer in Biketown, USA means you get lots of crapphy email.


BUT NOT THIS ONE! It is good email, with links to a bike porn video, that i'd like to share with yalls cause it is already online and who am i to tell people not to share bikes and boobs online. (plus I dont feel like trying to "empty the pool" if ya know what i mean.

Earlier this month a fine fellow comes up to me after the Cyclecide performance in Seattle and tries to show me with a video. I can t see it, so we share paper. Just a couple days ago i found the paper and emailed him. The result is good old fashioned homemade biker pron from the deadbaby downhill in august from this year

So the total result is, video shot in seattle, found a month latter in seattle and now blogging about it in seattle.

You would think i like this place or something.

We are about to screen The Pornography of the Bicycle for the first time in Washington in an hour, the deadbabies are bringing the sexercycle and I think there is a compitition for who can give the best ride.


There may be a second screening if the first explodes with huppy goodness.

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The Bike Porn Conspiracy of Olympia

Most of my friends seem to be into conspiracy theories. It could be a result of a history drug use or it may be that they are the only ones paying attention, or both.

Regardless, I dont normally pay them much heed. But the saga of Olympia has caused me more fits than a tailor before a big gay wedding.

The venues:

• Capital Theater
  
• Manium Collective
• Le Voyeur
• The Mark Olympia
• The Black Front Gallery
• The Red Room
• Midnight Sun
• Brotherhood Lounge
• Evergreen State College
• Puget Sound Community College

With all these venues (and a few others I can't remember) we have not been able to secure a location in Olympia despide have ex locals help me out. sigh. perhaps we will just broadcast it against the side of the building.

Speaking of Manium, they have been writing me about how the city has been treating them unfairly. Sending Police around to remind them that they are not legaly able to have shows? Sounds silly (if not unconstutional) to me. There was a mess of other points they bring up in an email I got from the Manium folks saying that the City of Olympia has:

• continually miscalculated their occupancy. At one point the city said Manium's occupancy was 12.
• demanded Manium rebuild the stage so large that it took up 75% of the room.
• done a bunch of other crap that I dont want to get into.
  

I myself have seen in Portland a similar process whereby the Govenment uses Fire Code to try and squash upstart business. But that is my own conspiracy theory.

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Ride of the Cascadians

So I am showing some porn. you may already know that (i hope). But I am also joining a bike tour North to Vanocuver BC. That means riding our bikes from 100s of miles into the wind (likely).

It is absurd and wonderful and so are the people coming with me. For example, one of our members is riding his tall bike on the tour. His reasoning: "It is my only bike with gears"

aint that cute? totally practical.

naturally there is another blog for the riding with lots more info for you to enjoy: http://pdx2van.blogspot.com/

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Bellingham Take Two... Loads of Porn

The Pickford Cinema just contacted me with exciting news. Due to popular demand they have requested a 2nd screening of Bike Porn.

So while I cant even get a response from folks in Olympia (yet), Bellingham is gobbling up the porn like a greedy lonely adolecent teen who just learned about the Internet. NOTE: for the record I am not pleased with this comparison. If you have a more appropriate analogy please let me know.


Couple this with the team of Canadians who are coming down to meet our tour in Bellingham and we have the makings for some hella. I don't know what kinda of hella, but it will be hella nonetheless.

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