Showing posts with label vancouver bc. Show all posts
Showing posts with label vancouver bc. Show all posts

Monday, January 31, 2011

are you gonna finish that?

Vancouver provides a lot of excitment and... rather aggressive hardware?!?



Thanks for the fine times with your well lubed machines, Canada. We loved the live performances, the responsive crowds and sharing the bike love in BC. We will see you again in Mid March when we journey to Toronto, Ottawa, and Montreal!
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Friday, January 28, 2011

Final BC show tonight!


Thank you Victoria, as always the Island delivers more than its fair share (by population) of bikesexual radicals. Kisses to our hosts at Camas Bookstore, the live performances, and of course the badass Velo Vixens.

Tonight we have our last show in British Columbia,

Saturday Jan 28th
Dharma Lab
1881 Pandora
9pm
Donations split with the Revelry Society
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Saturday, May 29, 2010

East Van Porno Party

This is just about it!

so close to the end, we believe it is called the PENULTIMATE SCREENING! It feels so epic we went back in time to show how erect bicycling will make you.

  • Dharma Lab
  • 202–1814 Pandora street
  • 8pm
  • $5 sliding scale
  • 19+


photo credit to bikesexual.org
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Monday, February 8, 2010

Vancouver REmembered

How does it feel to be loved by cascadia? Well bookstores are awesome and frequently have zines and they are also awesome.


And tall bikes seem to be pretty common/porn worthy





When it lived in NYC this was quite possibly the fastest tall bike in the city. Now its just back to probably being the fastest tall bike in a Vancouver garage. Pretty tarck worthy, with big gears, bladed carbon fork, light stiff steel, and enough height that you only have to worry about the side view mirrors on delivery trucks clipping your handlebars.you can also see the head tube is also bladed for extra reinforcement. We used to have those similar spinergy Sprox wheels that are made with noodle like spokes of kevlar. A special tool is required to true the wheels (naturally, fuckers)


We didnt't go inside this place with glowing meats, and dancing pigs but we hear its BIG. instead we picked up material at DressSew just down the street. A new screen for projecting movies onto will be available soon!



you have a dirty mind, that is why you came to this blog. its ok to admit it.



actually we were able to make some decent coin off our little show in Vancouver. Great turnout and lots of excited bikers wanting to make some of their own bike porn! But yea the Olympics are still pretty fucked.

Thanks Vancvouver!

Pictures from Victoria soon,
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Saturday, February 6, 2010

PreBacklash Cascadian Bikesmut Tour Report

WOW! incredible shows!

thanx Vancouver and Victoria!

man, we love getting sporty and active but the Olympics are totally fucked!

We are stunned that we could be fined $10,000 for not wearing the right clothes! any signs, buttons or displays of anything that not "celebrating" the Olympic games. any sponsors that are not the Official Sponsors.

and specifically bend over for the IOC. The International Committee for Olympic Profit-Motivated DoucheBaggery.





a bit of a media day in downtown Vancouver BC...



but sport is totally alive! It doesn't require a lot of money, or even matching shirts (although they are way cool.)



Sports can be fun without having to exploit resources or evict people. In fact sports are often more enjoyable when you just leave people where they are.




mobetta Brittish Columbia photo journaljizm coming soon!
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Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Plotting a Course to Porn Part 1


Looking into the future of bike porn can be an exciting and even terrifying experience. Will there be blood? ritual sacrifice? pierced taints?!?

What we can know is where we are planning on going. Starting in 2010 we have the most daring Bike Porn Tour yet. Over 10 thousand miles long across 35 states, 6 providences and a few countries.

We would love your help but how does the blog reader help anything? Isn't it our job to be narcissistic bloggers and your job to post inane comments?

WHERE'S THE ROOM FOR IMPROVEMENT EVEN?

Well maybe, we are trying to encourage you to do it better and if that means straddling a bike from the future of 20 years ago topless in heels with some Gordi La Forge sunglasses on, so be it. But just being able to see ok night is not good enough, we travel so fast on bikes wearing heels we want to keep other safe from us!

Behold the latest in safe bike sex:

Gif Created on Make A Gif

if you are interested in witnessing this display in person you can see our curent hot program one last time before we leave on our epic quest.

3 Cascadian Shows!



Friday, February 5th
One Two One Studios
121 Heatly St
8:00 pm Doors, $7-10 Sliding Scale, 19+
Presented by www.RevelrySociety.org
With LIVE PERFORMANCE and indoor bike parking
click here for sweet flier action


Saturday, February 6th, Victoria BC
Camas Collective Books & Infoshop
2590 Quadra St. (corner of King St.)
Screenings at 7pm and 9pm, $7, +19

Velo Vixens xxxRacexxx
Get ready to love your bike like never before.
6pm Camas Bookstore. $7
(includes admission to the bike porn screening!)
click here for sweet Victoria flier action


Thursday, February 11th, Portland, OR
Lotus Seed
4635 Northeast 9th Avenue
Screening at 10pm
Mini Bike Winter Kickoff Party
DIY Stencil Station
Panel Discussion: "SHOULD Bikes Save the Planet" at 8:30



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Sunday, May 31, 2009

why dont we do it inside the road?


what is speed when it comes to sex?

free balling seymoure bomb!

busting out at the steamstriss!

we muster our wheeled recources!

mini bikes provided!


grandview park
11am



credit to our projket B
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Friday, May 29, 2009

The final exploitation

The end of a great year for our international bike humpty team, TONIGHT is the final screening of Bike Porn 2: Bikexploitation (as in bicycle exploitation).

If you are not in Vancouver BC you are limited to expressing yourself in pirave, but if you ARE in East Van than you can express yourself in PIRATE!

viva bike pirates
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Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Porno for (p)AYE! ROW!(s)

That is right we got a full schedule of posi-core bike fun and sexuality!

Thursday
Midnight Mass (please don't dust us)

Friday,
Critical Mass
we wonder if they are still meeting at the Vancouver Art Gallery on the Georgia Street side, let us know in the comments?

The ONLY Bike Porn 2 screening in Vancouver
153 East 10th
8:30 PM
$10 benefits the WNBR and BikeSmut.com

followed by a

Pirate Party!
10-2am Dance party w peep show starring G.G. Bottoms!
DJ Tom Cunningham IV and more
Cheap as free if you are a pirate

Saturday
East Van Bike Polo


Sunday
Seymour Bomb!



Honestly, we should be selling tickets to this kinda stuff. But its free sexy fun on your bike and you can do it anytime you want!
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Thursday, May 21, 2009

Bike Piracy in Vancouver


Avast! Sexy bikers right ahead!

Tremendous fortune has shone down upon Bike Porn Industries like the omnipresent light of a benevolent sun god giving massive boners to all the chlorophyll fulled subjects below. The organizers of the Vancouver World Naked Bike Ride have created a massive party to blow out whatever is left of your indulgence obsessed mind.

The final screening of Bikexploitation
&
3rd annual Pirate Party
&
Bike Pirate Peep Show starring GG Bottoms

Friday May 29th

undisclosed location after Critical Mass
Big Fun! Cheap if you are a pirate!

Proceeds benefit Bike Porn Industries and Vancouver's World Naked Bike Ride

Stay Tuned for more exciting info!
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Tuesday, May 5, 2009

breaking it down...

We at BikeSmut LLC have a strong history of telling each other to stop making excuses and start making sex faces. The "Fuck you, do it better" motto, stolen from Zoobomb, (which perhaps was stolen from Deadletter Ben?) has been in our lexicon since our humble beginnings.

Here is a message sent from our director of public affairs to HQ:

Hey butt head! so whats the deal with the next bike porn tour??

So you wanted me to write you a proposal... since the "fuck bikes" tattoo on my ass isn't good enough....this will have to do.

I feel that I have a lot to offer the bike porn tour because i am totally into bikes, I love riding them, learning to fix them, pretty much anything that involves bikes. I also enjoy porn and sex, so joining the tour will bring my two loves together in perfect or not so perfect balance. I for some reason enjoy it when people laugh when I'm acting silly..So being the center of attention is something I am comfortable with... As I have mentioned before, I am a dancer, so the whole nudity bit comes naturally. Sex sells and I have been earning a living on my titties, for over a year now..and believe me, they are nice.. As far as selling merch, I will be able to move product by being motivated and creative in selling..preferably topless, that always seems to do the trick! I will also come up with ideas of my own to contribute to the group. You told me that you got tired of being to the ringleader and always coming up with all the ideas all the time. I also like to work with people with their ideas to make beautiful things happen. I am motivated and focused when I am faced with challenges. Most of all, i love having fun, and isn't that what its all about? Making money and having fun! let me know what you think, Jhen 503 XXX XXXX

Well there you have it. A perfectly good gauntlet fisting our anus, slapping our face then laid at our feet. Be there when the bikesexuals get it on in Vancouver Brittish Columbia, Friday, May 29th 2009 post Critical Mass.

Moots Boobies photo credit
West End Vancouver photo cred
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Wednesday, April 29, 2009

More hot canadian action

After successfully dry humping Victoria's seat tube what is there to do but continue on a Canadian adventure from British Columbia's Capitol City to Vancouver!

On Friday, May 29th after Critical Mass
we are collaborating with a friggin Pirate Party (wenches with wrenches) as a fund raiser for Vancouver's World Naked Bike Ride.

Expect it to rain hotness from the sky for weeks to come.


This will likely be they final screening of Bike Porn 2: Bikexploitation.
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Wednesday, February 6, 2008

what do you let inside?

We giveth and we taketh.

So to, does bike porn.

It Giveth and It Taketh.


During a bitterly cold Wednesday polo game i sheared a seat bolt off with my ass. I was playing on a road conversion fixed gear that was too big for me. The score was tied 4-4, Beer Point. Should I stop playing because i might likely tear my wool pants, and then some?




I played on. After what seems like an impossibly long stint our team finally scored the last point and I could relax a little. But not much. I had still broken Brian's bike, and I was kinda not sober and I was about to use power tools.











A funny thing pride. It kept me from resigning from the game, not because I didn't want to loose, but because who would I be if I folded under the fear of my ass being interrogated by a seatpost? After all I have asked from my producers, I would be ashamed.


Still as far as bike parts go, that seat post is mighty assertive.

The top tube was much more gentle.



NOW FOR SOME DIFFERENTLY OVERT SEXUAL BICYCLE CONTENT

The Seattle/Vancouver Trip was grand

Our bus broke down in Seattle upon arriving at the Church of the Bicycle Jesus. As planed we went out drinking with the Deadbabies. Terry beat the starter and got the bus running and, as planned, we left Seattle at 3am. Border guards made us turn it off, so we had to push it across the boarder. Inside the station Josh was accused of a variety of crimes (DUI, Assault, various gun and drug charges) and was told, "We swabbed your passport and it tested positive for ecstasy". Eventually they came to realize that10-15 year old charges are unlikely to have been committed by someone only 19.

Tom Rolf was able to find the starter by finding the dent Terry had made beating it. He followed suit with his u-lock and the bus started again.

The Bikes Inside party was great! Our hosts were amazing. We played bike polo inside a parking garage, had a fun fashion show, bands, a "Rad has got nothing on us" bike dance/derby. Later we jumped naked into the water at Jericho Beach. Refreshing.
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Saturday, January 26, 2008

sobrity, as a metaphor for "suck"


Since the end of the tour I have stopped drinking, which has let me come to understand a little something about myself. I really miss alcohol! I use it for all sorts of things: drinking, partying with, talking about, putting into flasks, pouring down throats, lubricating the screws, tying one on, and possibly most importantly providing for my kruktankerous family, the Lushes of the Pacific Northwest.

Why would a person surrounded by booze, whom takes time to regularly speak of its natural benefits, ever stop? Perspective. By stepping back from the edge we are given temporary clairvoyance of the big (and not quite as fuzzy) picture. Plus it gives me reason to experiment with other intoxicants. Moreover when I do start drinking again, look out, cause my tolerance will have slipped back to the human level. Meaning I can go to a bar and easily get trashed. No more sneaking a beer bong into the bathroom, no more trips to the corner market between games of fooseball, no more drinking before I go out drinking. Well, some habits are hard to break, so I'll probably still be a cheap ass.

This is especially important because I am about to embark on another almost annual ritual of mine: joining Seattle's Dead Babies in their first Friday club ride. Tragedy has befallen my northern friends since I have last enjoyed their company. Kevin Carter, Devlin Williams, and Phillip Hollins, Three bikers who all did time delivering for Fleetfoot are expected to have died in an avalanche this winter. I'll not take a sip until i can do so with my friends and express my regret.

To those we can no longer drink with.


I wish I could kidnap them all and sneak them accross the border to Vancouver BC where the bike kids are hosting a Bikes Inside party! That's right this Saturday, Feb 2nd bring your bike and ride around, indoors! It's kinda like being outside, only not as cold, dark,wet, or depressing. That is what we have Mini Bike Winter for. To crush spirits like empty cans under your heel, Seattle style.

Man I need a drink.

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Friday, October 5, 2007

Thanks for the Mammaries



In the streets of Portland, Seattle, Bellingham and Vancouver BC they cry for more!

Every show a rousing success. Bodies packed in tightly to accommodate the hoards of eyes hungry for flesh and steel. A stranger's lap becomes necessary seating, the floor already a jumble of limbs.

Once thing that can be taken from this outpouring of support for bicycle pornography is, yalls are some deviant fucking cyclists and the demand for more bicycle porn is far from quenched (if there is such a thing)

Thanks to Jonathan for supplying images from our evening in EastVan, as well as all the performers, Leanne and her bike strip and receiving the Olympic rings as Vancouverella, Mykle's anti-erotic reading, Adrian getting Voodoo donuts stuffed down her gullet as Portlandia, GirlShawn for rubbing her uniboob in time, Ifny, Jasun and Cara for working the space and time from back to front, the Creaking Planks for the melodies, and the massive number of sexy cyclists form whom work so hard to keep happy and horny (or any of the interestingly awkward number of places between)

Thank you Cascadia for all you have done to make this possible. Perhaps I will return in 2008 with more...
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Friday, September 21, 2007

a somber evening of porking vancooter

The tour arrived, albeit a couple bikers short. I was nearly denied entry to canada because i told them i was a bike pornographer. maybe not the wisest choice but i had been saying it for so long... i thought i might make her smile.

she told me if i was working i had to spend 2 months filling out forms and sending letters to get permission to work in canada, because i could be depriving another citizen of being a bicycle pornogpher.

it was nerve racking, but we are here and we are excited.

tonight is the final night of our Cascadian Bike Porn Tour.

FRI SEPT 21 2007

--> The Pornography of the Bicycle ~ 7:30pm
WISE Hall, 1882 Adanac (at Victoria)
Tickets $5-10 sliding scale. Licensed.
Lingerie encouraged.


A night of sexxxy bike movies, pagentry, tassles, & two-wheeled foreplay. Emcees: Reverend Phil of the Portland and Ifny, Pedal Revolutionary. Witness the Bike Striptease!
Also appearing: King Codpiece, holy relics and the Creaking Planks, rendering tunes of the boudoir helpless and quivering. Afterglow tunes by Tom Cunningham IV and the Americans. Beer & swag sold to all comers. Portlandia cometh! Vancouverella awaiteth!

--> Naughty Negligee Night Ride ~ 11:00ish
Departing from the W.I.S.E. Hall
FREE!
In the tradition of the Great Nekkid Bike Ride, doff your threads and head out into the night. See-though polyester, sequins, bits of fluff, tiaras and tootsie rolls, bring out your naughty bits and ride Vancouver en sassy masse! Raincoat check available. Clothing/Lingerie optional.
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Thursday, September 6, 2007

East Van, Porn Commeth!


BIKE PORN IN VAN COU VER! mucho thanko to Ifny for setting it up.

We now have a date, time AND a location.


Stoic and respectable on the outside, and on the inside as well... for now. That all will change in just a week and a day.

We are working on a full schedule including an auction of some bike porn memorabilia and a live reenactment of the events leading up to my arrest during the 2006 World Naked Bike Ride.

We did this once before in Portland to a standing ovation (mostly due to the inspiring (maybe terrifying?) interpretations of perpetual cokehead/community college enrollee Amanda Trucsott and 0ff-duty bully Chad Stensgaard. DUDE! how bizzare is it that a google search for officer Chad Stensgaard links to ichatgay.com






Perhaps there is no coincidence at all...

Anyway, expect hordes of people frolicking, no arrests and who knows what other kinda mischief might happen later
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