Cougars make love (and/or/not porn)

We recently were given some modest signs of approval from Cindy Gallop, creator of Make Love, Not Porn. We still think the idea of defining your own sexuality, and not letting others define it for you is pretty fucking great.

In this TED talk she does a fabulous job of explaining the real world consequences of a society that allows hardcore porn to be the primary form of sexual education.



We pimped her website almost a year before TED got around to posting this vid. That makes us practically bleeding edge! Plus this is a joyous bit of verbal engagement.

So then, are you an aspiring Cougar? Do you feel like going on the prowl? Have you thought about the conversations you might have with a young lover? Don't fret, the world needs your thoughtful hands to guide the future away from the sexual abyss!

Take heed, you have a lot of fresh meat on your plate... and plenty of young aspiring prey in the field! Go get em tigress!

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We got a Texas-sized "educational model"

We are rolling though Texas and have been making sure we are not packing too much heat.




Not to fear the Bike Porn Tour always has just enough obscene devices. Five "educational models" per person!

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Erotic Film Fests Abound!

Happy Fucking Valentines Day.

We mean that in a good way, that you might have some fucking sex. Good fucking sex at that. If not with someone else consider using the appropriate tool.

Good Vibrations in San Francisco is one of the largest, longest running and yet still respectable sex shops anywhere. They have great ethics and they are big fans of Bike Porn offering up great prizes to people who are willing to play our games.

Now they are offering up MONEY! fucking bling bling dolla dolla, make you holla holla cash green machine if ya know what i mean.

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CALLING ALL INDEPENDENT FILMMAKERS!

Submit your short erotic-themed film to Good Vibrations Independent Erotic Film Festival and you may end up a star! Whether you’re a professional artiste, art student, budding filmmaker, or just having fun with your Flipcam, we want to see your stuff! What’s erotic? You tell us! Funny, serious, gay, straight, if you think it’s hot, we want to see it in 7 minutes or less. Our 2010 Grand Prize Winner will receive $1,500 at the Castro Theatre in San Francisco on September 23rd! Submission deadline is June 30, 2010. Visit www.gv-ixff.org for official Rules and Regulations.

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Ok, so we're jealous. We want to be able to give away big prizes and wads... of dollar bills. We even have a plan for profit sharing for filmmakers! Well not so much a plan as a vision. But presently we dont have much, but if you are a struggling something-or-other uh, how you say... filmmaker, than you might consider doing something really great and getting paid.

If not our call for entries is even earlier: May 10th 2010. And we haven't even had the official internerd announcement yet. But just you wait, the artwork on this is the stuff coconut dream cream pies are made of.

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Bikes Kill Old Porn - part I

Regular readers know our opinions about bikes and sex. In our mind they are the peanut butter and chocolate of our generation. A taste combination so pleasureful that we have been debating casting for our own version of "Willy Wanker and the Chocolate Factory"

But A recent turn of events from Denmark has made our pedal pumping seize.

According to THE INTERNET (pft) the oldest porn store in the world is liquidating its stock and closing its doors forever.

What is the dastardly thing that is the cause of this turn of events?

BIKE LANES!

According to the shop owner, it’s the effect of the recession, increasing shop rents and bicycle lanes that have influenced the company’s financial downturn the most.

This is the big one people. This is what we have been training for. This is why we have a stockpile of interns. Expect more on this story as it develops including scathingly unimportant investigative journalism and vastly overreaching summarizations.

Stay tuned...

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sniffing saddles, chubbing out

Sometimes folks ask us about our boundaries. What is too far? What makes the bike pornographers go, "EW! NO FUCKING WAY AM I DOING THAT!" We all have boundaries (even if we dont know it yet), and some would say that any sexual interaction with an inanimate object is perverse and unholy. We say look at saddles these days and tell us that is not holey!


We are familiar with the interest in saddle play, in fact we even documented some rather candid confessions in the past.



Truly the importance of alcohol to the porn industry cannot be overstated.

But now things are different. Saddle lickers, we would like you to take a deep breath, and try to remember what it was like before the shit storm (really more of a vaginal storm) that is about to hit our cultural landscape makes it so that you will never again have a breath air void of sweaty saddle fragrance. (uh SFW but not really)



Wow! Did you get all that? We figured it was a swingers gym, like "24 hr Fit Ass" or "Gold's Gym and Shower." But in this case more likely to be called "Sweat n Sniff".

What an interesting symbiotic relationship... a beautiful woman riding a stationary bike and a gentleman pervert (like a gentleman farmer) handsome enough that we could comfortable with him sniffing our used saddles. Making it so that the next user of the stationary bike doesn't have to spin in someone else's secretions.

There are many questions raised by the website's introductory movie. The first is a matter of practicality. Are we obligated to pay 25 euros or can we just not wash our fingers/labia for a while and get something similar?

Are people in the industry expected to keep the smell of sex on their person at all times to maintain their competitive edge?

Why are their t-shirts almost $10 more expensive than their perfume? Perhaps they are sweat free.

Somewhere down the line we end up wondering "what will they do next?" What new product will the industry wrought and how do simple bloggers take advantage of these trends? Bike Porn Industries could probably start pumping out our own line of juices. We do have interns now, after all... Is "esSEXence" trademarked?

We know its all confusing with thousands of people working full time jobs to sell us things we can get for free in a way that we never before thought possible. Even the scent of a thief is available:




Somewhere between Chub Hub, and Chubby Husbandry there is a market for a simple product that is commonly available, travels in your pocket, stays "fresh" and can be used anytime you feel a little...more...

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Media on Media Action

Thanks to Ryan Bigge who's blog The Biggie Idea was capable of summarizing a good portion of the bike sex industry in a single post. And while it might be a little too surmising for us at Bike Porn Industries we are greatful for the uh... exposure.

Meanwhile there are still lots of great opportunities to ogle bicycles, or in some cases use them to further other wonderfully twisted (lime) ideas. Still if you would rather decry bike sex, or the use of sex to sell bikes this article does a pretty good job breaking down some overt sexuality in bicycle advertising. And finally if all else fails you can go back to classic bike porn (as in sans human) If you are capable of masturbating to these images than we may have an... opening for you.


These images were not printed in the North American magazines but we saw the other half of the add (the half without dick) in a issue of Momentum.

And finally Urban Velo. No reason, we just like them and felt the need to achieve some balance in our o-so-journalistic reporting. Like Fox News for bikers.

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Industry buffs and rebuffs some more

We have long stated that biking is sexy on its own merits. Heath, movement, freedom. It is all pretty fucking sexy without any additional fluff. But then "fluff" is what keeps the industry rolling and apparently the bike sex industry has some new players.


What we got here... hot girl in wings in the foreground, some lycra in the back. Seems like the industry standard hasn't changed much. Perhaps we should be grateful that there are any men at all (we think some of those blurs are men).





Of course on the far other side of the contingent Tea Bags on Toptubes has been dominating the world of bicycle sexual perversion for some time (we believe their blog was "instigated" on Clinton Street following the first ever screening of The Pornography of the Bicycle. A claim to fame if we ever heard of one.

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